Beneath the overwhelming racking of my brain that this feeling ignites, I thought to myself the other day: maybe this is indicative of my transition from “early-twenties” to “late-twenties”. Maybe my new reactions show progression, growth, “levelling-up” as my roommate would call it.

How interesting. To be what I once thought of as “so completely annoyed” by another person, but to suddenly (although I suppose gradually) watch those emotions arise and instead think “what inside of me is triggered by this person?”

Boom. What a significant shift.

“It’s not you, it’s me” does not only apply to romantic relationships that don’t spark a flame. That recognition should be exercised when irritation, exasperation, or any such thing that tightens ones chest arises.

In the past if my response to someone in my life were these feelings, I would react, harshly. Rigidly. “Ugh. This human annoys me. I don’t like them. Keep them away” which inevitably accumulates until enough annoyances stack up inside of me that I feel so heavy with stress that I myself collapse.

“Some people are such a burden to be around. I can’t handle it.”

Well, waitaminute. Why? Why do you feel that?

What are they doing that is driving you so out-of-your-mind?

Over the last handful of years as I’ve begun practicing mindfulness and meditation and working hard to un-learn the circumstances I grew up with, I guess a few phrases have made themselves part of my inner baseline. The ground on which I stand these days is fertile with compassion and seeded with certain quotes that are now a place I return to without trying.

“The other person is you.”

Recently I was taken aback by a wave of irritation when a new friend of mine walked through the front door of my house.

Luckily it’s a big house, and rarely am I home alone.

Shocked by this feeling, I took a moment to notice it, observe it, and forget about it. For a little while. They were a new friend after all.

When it happened again the next time I saw them, and again after that, I had a check-in with myself.

Pause here. I realize that this is no great feat – observing your emotions…

but, dangit, it IS!

When so much of our modern day society is geared towards ensuring humans think of themselves as “not-enough” in order to continue riding the consumer train, I think it should be acknowledged as a small victory when a recovering city girl like me checks herself before labelling another person “annoying” or directing an onslaught of negativity their way.

So, woo-hoo.

Anyways.

Self observation is a powerful and interesting tool. Everything arising in you is personalized: stemming from your experiences and your life circumstances, and owning this can be one of the most helpful and humbling things we ever learn. Not to mention it will accelerate the healing of any uneasiness or tension that we may feel.

Okay, someone’s existence has set you off… what do you know about them? And in what areas of your life are you currently coping with feelings of lack? Or frustration? Maybe you are not even aware that your deeper self is continuously butting up against certain obstacles that seem to ignite more and more agitation the longer they are overlooked or pushed to the back burner.

In my particular situation, once I took some time to sit with these emotions, I realized that I had been putting off personal changes I had been longing long-term to make.

What was at surface level a surge of “ugh, not this person again”, was quite literally my inner self looking around and noticing that someone else was living out a truth that I longed to express and become. I was jealous. Envious. But! (with the new found wisdom of my late-twenties) I no longer reacted with a knee-jerk jolt of comparisons and cattiness.

I saw that this had nothing to do with them, and everything to do with me.

Had I stepped up and put effort into those changes weeks or months or even years ago I may now be at a solid place of progression and development, but I hadn’t, and my gut was urging me to remember those goals I had thought about then let slide.

The final dash in this cycle of personal acknowledgment is to find the very root of those outwardly directed feelings, and then hold that cause with unending love and compassion.

Alright – this person has jilted my most real self into noticing where I’ve slacked off, and for that I am grateful. Rather than continuing to forget and perpetuating whatever habits I know need changing, these feelings have arisen to get my attention and encourage me to grab my life by the horns again.

Of course, sometimes random people cut you off on the highway or text-walk their way right into spilling their coffee down your clean shirt, and I don’t think those instances should ignite such introspective reflection.

But, if a close or significant person in your life sets you off one day, or several days, go inwards. Check in with yourself. Where are you at? What goals have you set and how are you doing with them, really?

Then remember, that no one deserves as much of your love and compassion as you do.