Everyone’s a critic, and the worst of them all lives inside our own heads. Most of us are not bad at showing compassion for others – it’s ok for them to cry, to have a wobble, to need time to restore their equilibrium. But when it comes to ourselves, any tolerance or understanding seems to fly out the window.  

Try a little tenderness.

Having a critic on at me 24/7 can make me feel stressed and anxious, so I practice this simple technique to increase my self-compassion. If you give it a go, be prepared that you may release some powerful emotions. Don’t be afraid, you need to reduce the pressure they have been building inside you. Take your time.

A gentle way to learn more self compassion.

Firstly, I find a place where I feel comfortable and won’t be disturbed. I settle down and think of five characters that are special to me. When choosing your characters, they must be ones that you feel unconditional positive regard towards. They may be real people: friends, family, etc; historical figures; or a pet, a childhood toy. It doesn’t matter as long as they are someone, or something, whose opinion you trust and respect.

Then, I relax and call up whatever the latest issue is that is making me feel anxious. I really examine it. I describe it fully and honestly – how does it make me feel? I might say: “This thing makes me really worried. When I think about it, my heart starts thumping, and I feel shaky and sick. . .”

I acknowledge honestly and dispassionately the effect this issue has upon me, but I don’t let it take hold. Instead, I widen my thoughts to all the thousands of people in the world who experience the same feelings as me. I stretch out my heart and send compassion to them. I gently wish them well and send them calming and strengthening love, and imagine them sending it back to me in return.

Then, I turn to my five special characters and imagine them surrounding me.  I hear them tell me: Be kind to yourself, care for yourself, nurture yourself . . . be kind, care, nurture . . . be kind . . . I repeat those words and allow those nurturing and compassionate thoughts into my mind and heart.

When I am ready, I take note of how I am feeling. There is usually some change, even if only a tiny one.  However you are feeling, accept it. There isn’t a right or a wrong way to feel after this.  I take note of any lesson, however small, that I received from my five characters or the other people in the world.  I think about how I can use this learning to help myself. 

Then, I come back into my day and take this little lesson with me. 

Turn the practice into a habit for good mental health.

 I practice this often to receive the full benefit, and over time, it becomes a habit. Self compassion and other NLP Techniques can restore balance and are excellent for our mental health.