There are things I want to do these days but never get to do them. Like running, a proper 1.5 hour of yoga in the morning, sewing something bigger, meditating while my child is asleep, vacuuming the house, washing the windows…

And then there are other things that I do – while my daughter is sleeping, while she’s playing with lego in another room, or while she’s at my side or breastfeeding. I write, make notes, sketch, paint, cut and paste with scissors and glue, prepare meals, dance a little, stretch, fold my hands in a momentary prayer, wash some clothes by hand, read a few pages of a book, scrub the stove, go shopping for groceries, sing a song, come up with a new creative project and record it on paper…

There are so many things to do! At times I realise I want too much for one day – everything to fit and be perfect in just 14 hours – impossible! And it would overload me surely.
But often I still wish – may I have my home the way I want, art progress at the level I want and time with my child in abundance and focus – just the way I want…

And then I pause. Or something pauses me. (Whether it is myself or something external is not exactly clear but..) I give in… to suddenly “nothing”. Doing nothing.

And there is just the chair I’m sitting on. Just the steaming tea. Just the window on my left. Just the sound of my daughter’s voice calling “maamaa!” and just me answering: “I’m coming.”

And I put my cup down, raise my bottom, move my legs out of the kitchen, and reach for the other room to simply be there.

With my daughter or without her – it sometimes doesn’t matter.

All I need to do is to be.

Presence for her or presence for myself – it doesn’t matter.

Presence for all. Presence for its own sake.

This is what saves me.

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