As we rode I could smell the ponderosa pine sap and feel the sun on my face. My helmet blocked the wind from hurting my eyes, so I could open and close them as I pleased. I loved the feeling of closing my eyes and feeling the motorcycle move under me, winding and bending with the curve of the road.

We were ascending into the mountains and coming upon a fork in the road- we could take a sharp left or bare right to continue upward. I assumed we were turning left and my body prepared for this. Then we suddenly continued right. I felt my body tighten under the uncertainty of the movement. I had to adjust physically and reorient to the new direction. The discomfort in my body felt like an antsy crawling, a tightening in my chest. It did not feel good. It felt like I was thrown of my axis without warning and almost wanted to crawl out of my skin, because it didn’t feel safe.

There were a few choices I could make – I could allow the messages my body was sending to my brain to increase my anxiety and continue ramping this feeling up. Or, I could reality test what was going on. I could gather the data, tell my body what had happened, take some deep breathes, and readjust accordingly. I could tell my body that it was ok, resume my heart rate to normal, and tell myself that I could deal with the unknown- it would all be ok.

This is called distress tolerance.

I also looked around me, bringing more of my senses back online. When our body is under stress, it can create tunnel vision and it is like a microscope is focused only what is causing the distress. What could I see that was far away from me, what was up close? Could I still smell the ponderosa and feel the sun? These are distress tolerance skills- tools to help bring us back online when something distressing has occurred. Obviously, there is a large range of distressing experiences. On a scale of 1-10, a distressing experience that is more like a 2-4 is going to be easier to come back from than an experience that brings us to more of an 8-10. The physiology and neurobiology of what happens when we are at an 8-10 is much more challenging and complex than at lower levels, especially if the person has a trauma history. The thing that can help though, is practicing these distress tolerance skills when the level of stress is lower on the scale of 1-10. This way, when the triggers are more intense, we have those faculties online, in muscle memory form, so they are more available to us in the moment of distress.

For folks that air more on the anxious side in general, myself included, this is a very important practice! There are times in life when we cannot control the situation surrounding us, just like the example on the motorcycle. I could not have done anything differently to predict that my husband would make the turn he was going to make; I was not driving the motorcycle. I had a situation that I could not control in that moment. I needed to accept my lack of control and shift my attention towards supporting my response to the situation. Accepting that I could not change it, soothing myself through breath, getting the rest of my senses back online, and distracting myself with the beautiful scenery, were all ways to help my nervous system relax.

Martha Linehan created Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) in the 1980’s to treat Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). In DBT, distress tolerance skills are taught. DBT has been far more widely utilized than just for BPD in the more recent years, and has proven successful in supporting folks with many mental health challenges, including anxiety. I have continued to see, both personally and professionally, how versatile these distress tolerance skills really are. Essentially everyone can benefit from such tools. We all experience varying levels of stress, experiences that are out of our control, and challenging life events throughout the lifespan. Universally helpful distress tolerance skills, such as breathing exercises, mindfulness practices, reality testing, titrating emotional experiences, etc. are all tools that everyone should have in their tool kit. Life sometimes throws us curve balls, or curves in the road that we didn’t expect, and knowing how to catch ourselves in those moments can be extremely empowering.

What are the distress tolerance skills that you use when stressors or challenges arise in your life? Have you ever been taught about distress tolerance skills? If you haven’t, you aren’t alone, but the good news is you can always learn them. I didn’t know there was a name for this stuff until graduate school in psychology, which is wildly disappointing! These are universal tools that we humans need in order to live our best lives, and I know I am living a better version of my life because of them, which I am extremely grateful for (and I know my husband is too!)