My life changed 4 years ago. Like, one of those big, life-altering moments that you hear about or see in movies.

4 years ago, my uncle suddenly died, and I inherited a small child. Overnight I was expected to be a parental type figure to a 5-year-old… ME… TANYA…

It all didn’t make sense, it still doesn’t I guess.

The story is second nature now, it rolls off the tongue, it’s an inbuilt story. Same as when someone asks how I am – instant response is “Living the dream, lighting the way”.

“Oh, I didn’t know you had a kid, Tanya?”

“Well, funny story, I inherited her. My uncle died and now I’m her sister, cousin, mother.”

Life’s funny that way.

In reality, it took me a long time to deal with my sudden sibling/daughter hybrid. Not because I didn’t want or love her, but because heck, I didn’t have 9 months to come to terms with this.

All I knew was that in a span of a fortnight I lost an $8k trip overseas (that’s an entirely different story) and I was expected to be a parent.

So, I pivoted. We adapt, we learn. Mia (Sister/Daughter hybrid) deserved more than my self-pity.

Even when I thought I’d dealt with it, I hadn’t. Heck, I probably still haven’t.

The 12 months that followed that pivotal moment were some of the hardest of my life.

New kid – Check

Lost $8k – Check

House caught fire – Check

Sliced off part of my finger – Check

New Boss – Check

Miserable at work – Check

Gallstones – Check

Self-pity – CHECK

I played the victim and the blame game a lot during that period. To be fair, life had picked up my life, shaken it and put it back down, saying – “Sort it out“.

I’m not that person though, ya know? There is no fun being a miserable jerk all the time. I could see it in myself, I could see how my own victim mentality was making not only me but everyone around me miserable.

I’m changing though, it’s not an instant thing, it’s a continuous effort. I am still messed-up, but I was messed-up before this, it’s a fun Tanya quirk.

Mia is part of my every day now. Hanging out, reading, playing dumb games, making sure she bathes, eats, goes to sleep at a decent time. It’s the new normal.

That doesn’t mean my life stops. If anything, I owe it to Mia to live my best life. I don’t want her to think that it is normal being miserable. I don’t want her life to be defined by the shitty things that have happened to her.

I mean, I owe it to myself too. Being miserable is tiring.

So, what have I learned?

I’m never going to be the perfect parent, but I love that stinkin’ kid more than pretty much anyone, and that’s important.

I’ve learned that even when she is being a little shit, she’s still a little human, with little human emotions and feelings, and they’re valid (even when they’re kind of crazy).

I’ve learned the importance of telling her that I love her every day. Because life is a fucking jerk and you never know what can happen.

I’ve learned that self-care is just as important as Mia-Care. That sometimes putting myself first is important because if I’m happier, I’m a better sister/mother. That means writing more (yikes), having Tanya time, catching up with friends, going out. I don’t resent Mia for any of this, and I never want to. So, all that stuff is important.

Mia is 9. 9! She’s forming this little personality, sense of humour, and soon enough she’s going to be a teenager, which is terrifying in itself.

I’ve learned that this entire situation, while sudden, shitty and seemingly unfair, hasn’t been all that bad.

Anyway. 4 years ago my life fundamentally changed, and I changed with it.