For those who lost their wings , I send  you my prayers ( may you earn your freedom again )

( there is a wild voice that lives inside all of us , one that whispers, “ stay here long enough to revive your hope, stay here long enough to become strong, to try the try that will make it , stay here long enough to make the finish line, it matters not how long it takes or in what style “        ”  Clarissa Pinkola Estés”

Four years ago I went to a trip with my best friend , we spent three days in a nice hotel in on of the most beautiful cities in Egypt . It is a usual thing for most of people I know , so why am I writing about it . Please let me tell you the full story . I am an Egyptian woman , the point is , I am not allowed to travel to any place without my family . Maybe some families in the Middle East give their daughters the freedom to travel and the chance to choose what kind of life they want to live . Unfortunately, my family isn’t one of them. Through my entire life I didn’t travel to anywhere without my mom or my brothers , they believe that a good woman have to obey  her family’s orders . When I was a teenager I thought that this is normal , they love me and want to protect me , so why am l not happy with their rules . Then when I became older I found many of my friends ( other women , who are lucky to have open minded families ) can travel by themselves . Something inside me has changed , and I felt like I am trapped . I want  to be free , I want to travel alone , also I want to take off my viel. I tried more than once to talk to my mother , but she never listened. All I got was anger and screems . One-day when I was 27 years old I was done by all of this , so I picked my backpack and traveled to “Sharm -Shiekh “ with my best friend. I took off my hijab , and I was happy . To be more precise , they were the happiest days of my life.

I felt like I am another person , a better version of myself. Someone stronger maybe. When I was there , I decided that my old life was gone , no more rules , no more fear from anyone , but I was wrong . After I came back , my mother couldn’t stop shouting at me , my oldest brother took my phone , my ID , my Visa and even my passport . And I spent the worst days of my life trapped in their home without being able to talk to any of my friends or going outside alone. Something inside me got broken after this experience, and it didn’t heal yet. I have had panic attacks more than once. Till now I panic from Time to time , even a sad movie can make me panic . After some time they released me and some how I went back to my normal life , but this time under their strict observation . I fight with them from Time to time , but I couldn’t remove my veil again , and honestly I don’t have the courage to do it  . After I went back to my work , my co-workers asked me about my absences , I told some of them my story , I thought that they would understand my situation , but they didn’t . They laughed at me , even one of them said that ” I wish you spend your life trapped with them ” , and another one told me that I am  a stupid and crazy and I deserved what happened to me . She told me to stop acting like a free and wild person because the reality is I am not . It has been 4 years now and I didn’t overcome the fear of being trapped. I didn’t speak about what I felt with any of my friends, I couldn’t let them see me as a damaged person . I gained weight after this , I mean a lot of weight . I feel emptiness inside my soul , and I don’t know how to fix it. my old self , the one who knew how to control my food intake and how to push me to work out has gone , and I don’t know how to bring her again . But I have learnt a few things from this .

BREATHE

During your hard times , breathing could save your life. Don’t ever underestimate the power of breathing. If you feel that your world is falling apart , remember to inhale deeply then exhale as if you mean it.

BELIEVE

Don’t you dare to stop believing, Don’t let the monsters inside your head tell you that you won’t make it . You will believe me . Keep trying  and you will reach your destination at the end.

FIGHT

Fight till the end , Don’t even think about surrender . I am not telling you to fight as a warrior , I am telling you to fight as a beast . Do you ever heard about a beast who give up ?

CONTINUE

No matter how hard it is or how long it would take ,don’t stop. You will be their. Sooner or later.

BE CAUTIOUS

Don’t make stupid actions without thinking about the consequences . Be cautious as a wolf , who exactly how and when to attack.

lastly ,I pray for everyone who seeks their freedom to get it . I pray for them to be free and safe and surrounded by their beloved ones. Amen