As an eating disorder sufferer in recovery for years now, experiencing both anorexia and bulimia, food issues are never far from my mind. It’s not just food for food’s sake; rather, it has more to do with what it represents.

In a holiday-themed episode of the popular television series, “Mad Men,” we witness an exchange involving mother and daughter. A family member at the table asks the daughter character, “Don’t you like your food?” The daughter responded with a no.

And that prompted an uncomfortable force-feeding session. Mother is shoving cranberries into daughter’s mouth- against daughter’s wishes.

Pleasant.

And, even though none of the characters exhibited eating disorders like anorexia or bulimia in the storyline, it got me to thinking about how, once again, it is not the food itself, but rather what the food represents that makes things more tangled.

Observing this mother-daughter force feeding scene, it reminded me how family members often assumed the solution to my anorexia was “Just eat something!”

I had numerous battles with my family members, especially when they repeatedly tried to ply me with cakes, cookies and pies. Sometimes I was defiant. I exerted my starvation rebellion. But, on other occasions, ravenous or obsessed, I indulged. And I remember seeing the look of relief and satisfaction on their faces. It was as if they were saying, “There, problem solved.”

But the problem was far from solved.

Just within my own family dynamics alone, there were unhealthy addiction and dysfunctions going on. Food was the coping mechanism used to escape and endure those things. Food was not just food. And it was insane to think that it could simply and instantly solve any of these deeper pre-existing problems.

Yet, that seems to be part of the expectation attached to the hope-laden statement, “Just eat something.”

Desperation clings to those words, promising the instant happily ever after, the healed family, the restored peace, the lasting relief. Don’t face the truth, let alone, deal with it.

“Just eat something.”

What does food represent? It’s an important question to answer.

But, just as important of a question, if not more so, is “What does the disordered eating represent?”

Are you paralyzed by fear, denial or anger? What don’t you want to see and deal with?

Resist the easy answer that “eating something” is, indeed, the answer to eating disorders. It goes much deeper. What is plaguing you and I now did not happen overnight. Likewise, the recovery, health and improvement will also take time. Nevertheless, it is possible to experience healing.

Perhaps the phrase should be “just face something,” rather than “just eat something.”

Healing and the truth are intertwined. This applies to not just the individual, but the entire family as well.

Eating disorders are life-threatening and widespread. They can touch all genders, cultures, and socioeconomic backgrounds.

And this holiday season amplifies the numerous and complicated issues of both eating disorder sufferer, and surrounding loved ones, alike.

“Holidays and special occasions are often very stressful periods for individuals with food and weight problems. The emphasis on spending time with family and on celebrating with food can be very difficult. Based on past experience, and an understanding of yourself and of the people close to you, you may be able to avoid, or cope constructively with, uncomfortable situations. For example:
• Predict high stress times and places; decide which events you will and won’t attend, and plan to have some time to yourself to restore yourself and take care of your own needs.
• Predict which people might make you most uncomfortable and plan appropriate ways of excusing yourself from their company.
• If at all possible, allow yourself to enjoy a moderate amount of ‘special occasion foods.’
• Predict what people might say that would lead you to feel uncomfortable. Plan and practice responses. Ask people not to comment on your body, appearance, or eating habits.
• Predict negative thoughts that you might have during the holidays, and practice thinking differently.
• Carry with you a list of phone numbers of friends and crisis lines, and a list of self-soothing activities.
It may be helpful to realize that the ‘picture-book’ holiday sense is not a reality for many people. Some cannot afford it, there are many single people who are not close to their families or do not have a family, and there are many families that do not fit into the dominant cultural model of ‘family.’ Do not blame yourself for family or friendship conflicts. People are not different during the holidays than any other time of the year. Remember that you are responsible only for your own actions and for taking care of yourself.”

NEDIC Bulletin: Vol. 7, “Coping With the Holidays,” National Eating Disorder Information Centre (NEDIC)

Used with permission.

May you be safe, happy and healthy, in not just what and how you eat, but in how you live!

Copyright © 2019 by Sheryle Cruse