Sometimes I learn a truth about life that I want to shout from the rooftops so that every human on the planet hears the message.

This is one of those times.

I’m enrolled in a leadership training designed to help me get over my deep-seated issues with abundance and intimacy, and it’s blowing my mind. I’ve been “working on” these issues for the better part of two decades—reading books, listening to podcasts, going to therapy, getting a master’s degree in psychology—you know, doing all the things we do when we are serious about change.

It turns out that I—pretty sure I’m not alone on this—have been doing life backward. I’ve been waiting for change to come to me, rather than using the power I have to create everything I’ve wanted the entire time.

As humans in this society, we all suffer from similar pain.

We want love. We seek abundance of finances and opportunities. We crave intimacy and connection. We also love to have a sense that we’re in control, and we love to be right.

That manifests into closing ourselves off from the things we say we want, and then going, “See? I told you so. I’m not worthy.” We continue to suffer, and to want. That’s our comfort zone.

Ask yourself for a moment: What do I want most in this one precious life?

And then ask yourself: Does the way I show up in my life support that desire?

I want love, intimacy, and connection with my romantic partner, but I am emotionally guarded, walls up, and I often find it really difficult to be vulnerable and speak my honest truth. That inauthenticity has usually attracted the type of partner that I can’t be truly myself with. Surprise!

How can we attract intimacy and connection when we’re closed off? We can’t.

I seek money and abundance, but I walk around saying, “I’m broke.” I hold on to my savings for dear life and refuse to spend money on things that I don’t deem “necessary” or to invest much in myself and my business. Money is energy, and if it’s not flowing out, it sure isn’t flowing in.

How do we attract abundance when we live from a place of scarcity? We don’t.

We’ve been conditioned to believe that once we have something, we will be ____ (insert result: happy, fulfilled, content, at peace, whatever). We prove to ourselves over and over that this way of living Does. Not. Work. Yet we continue, because it’s the only way we know how to be.

What if we have it backward? What if we flip the script?

The simple but earth-shattering truth is that we get to show up and be what we want to attract. And in being what we want to attract, we inevitably get it. It’s the law of the universe. Stop saying you want it, and be it.

Want love? Be loving.

Want abundance? Be generous, and invest in yourself and in others.

Want connection? Make time for people and connect, interruption-free.

I’ll say it again in case you’re still processing.

Be what you want to attract and show up in ways that support that commitment to yourself, and you’ll have what you want.

You create your reality. Stop waiting for things to come to you.

Be what you want—and, literally, be the change.