I woke up last night with immense pain in my ankles and knees from sleeping in the car. The sound of cars racing down I-25 echoed through my eardrums.

It was bitter cold. I could even see clouds escape my mouth with each exhale.

At least I have a sleeping bag, and at least I have shelter. 

I left Baltimore a month ago to start a new life. I was riddled with depression and anxiety. I was even in the hospital because I was suicidal. I had worked very weird jobs. Jobs that had nothing to do with my passion.

I knew there was more to life than how I was living. I longed for a change to live a better and more spiritually involved life.

So I decided to pack up my two totes of belongings, and set out to Santa Fe with my mom. We both set out here to focus on our spiritual practices, and to focus on our true passions.

This is a deep spiritual journey. A journey of practicing mindfulness, connecting with ancestors, and remaining fully in the present moment.

The lessons are very strong. Sometimes when I feel pain I become irritable, and I take it out on my mom. Sometimes, I remember what it was like to have a paying job, and being able to be safe.

Sometimes, I want to give up.

Then, I remember to focus on breathing. I remember to remain in the present moment, no matter how hard it is currently. I remember to honor this moment because I am alive.

This journey so far has taught me a lot about remaining in the present moment. I am learning that this very moment, no matter what we are going through, is very important. When we honor these challenges, and remain present through these challenges, that is when we do most of our growing. It is these moments where we remain strong, like the mountains here in Santa Fe.

It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to break down. Just remember to honor this moment, and to be grateful of the lesson provided. The lessons we are given are true gifts.

Remember to breathe.