We live in a society in which we create new needs every day. We love the formula “I need”: “I need to change my car, I need some new shoes, I need another mobile, I need to sign up for a gym,” etc.

If we think about the consumerism that surrounds us, this can be understandable; many are interested in thinking like that, although that does not justify it. But it is worse when we transfer these ideas to the framework of relationships, and more specifically to couple relationships.

I love you, but I don’t need you
If you are one of those who love songs that say phrases like “my life is you”, “without you I am nothing” or “I die if you are not” if you melt every time your partner says “you are everything to Me ”or“ I could not live without you ”, it is very likely that you are part of those people who make their relationship the center of their life, even forgetting that their life is something else.

Love is freedom, not suffering
We often hear phrases like “I need to be with him all the time,” “I would do anything for her,” “if he lets me die.”

Have you ever wondered what is behind these kinds of statements? Maybe a dependency relationship, maybe a loss of one’s identity, maybe a fear of losing the other person. These types of statements indicate that there is an insane relationship behind.
The psychologist Walter Riso said in one of his books that love creates a bond that can become a chain when there is no freedom. For a relationship to be healthy, both must be clear that being with that person is an option, not a necessity.

Instead of saying “I can’t be without you,” it’s much nicer – even if we’re not used to it – saying: “I could be without you and be happy; I still choose to be with you because I want you to be part of my happiness, “or what is the same:” I love you, but I don’t need you. ”

For a long time we have been taught that in love it is inevitable to suffer, and that, from my point of view, is false.

From the moment you are having a bad time, it has ceased to be love, at least for those of us who understand that love is synonymous with well-being, fullness, unconditional surrender, respect, support, and above all freedom.

Couples who go from wanting to endure, people who endure or tolerate situations that go against their principles, who allow disrespect or emotional blackmail do not because they love their partners, but because they do not love themselves.

No one is essential
Many of the people who self-deceive thinking that they need the other, actually live well-off in routines that do not satisfy them because they believe that if they left, they would not find love again.

To need implies that something is essential, that without that we cannot live. To need implies to depend, and dependence takes us away from freedom.

Many examples illustrate the idea that, like it or not, nobody is essential. People separate and start new relationships, some people suffer the loss of a loved one and move on, even we will not be here one day and life will continue.

Keeping in mind the idea that nothing is forever and knowing how to give up what does not suit us helps us to value more the people who are part of our life and maintain healthier relationships based on the choice of what we want, and not on conformism based on lack of options.

The couple is a part, not a whole
People often fall into the trap of understanding their relationship as a whole: “She is what gives meaning to my life” … And, as romantic as this may sound, it is one of the worst mistakes that can be commit.

We cannot leave the meaning of our life, or what is the same, our happiness, in the hands of another person, no matter how much we want it.

The person we choose to share our life is an important being, of course, it is, but it can’t be the only thing.
As individual beings, our life is completed with more things. And we should devote a part of the time to our growth as people.

Our emotional autonomy and our goals in life are parts that we cannot put aside.

You cannot stop being who you are, you cannot lose your essence and your own identity to satisfy your partner. If so, we are fed a sickly love, a toxic relationship based on fears and obsessions.

Do not forget that to want is not to need: to want is to live in freedom, to want is to be able to choose, and to want someone is to choose that person every day without depending on them.