I increasingly find that many people are suffering because of their misunderstanding of twin flame, conscious relationships.

Understanding and awareness are often the beginning of healing and growth because when the light of consciousness illuminates the truth we can begin to empower ourselves by choosing thoughts, words, and actions that will facilitate our journey home to love and peace.

If we don’t understand the rules of the game, then we are going to get lost and confused and progress may be painfully slow or not at all. So I will shed some of the light that I have gleaned from my own twin flame experience.

First, it is essential to understand what a twin flame is.

A twin flame is somebody who comes into our lives to help us return to unity and peace within ourselves. It is not someone who has come to complete you. If, like me, your soul has chosen to return home to oneness via the road of conscious relationship, then your mission is achieved through the inner marriage of masculine and feminine principles within you. Our external relationships are mirrors of the internal relationship we have with ourselves. Every man and woman has these complementary masculine and feminine opposites alive within them. The fact that this truth has been lost is the cause of the majority of suffering on our planet.

Without balance and harmony of masculine and feminine polarities, there will be disharmony between men and women, and our relationships will suffer. This is what we see playing out in the world right now.

This earth realm is one of duality: night and day, up and down, joy and sadness, within and without, masculine and feminine. Our task is to transcend duality and return to oneness while still within these human bodies, because it is through contrast that we know ourselves. It is only by experiencing duality that we can know oneness.

A twin flame’s purpose is to move from inner duality to the inner divine marriage, by showing us all the places within ourselves where we are not in alignment with the love that we essentially are. In a twin flame relationship, everything that is not love will be brought to the surface to be healed and transformed.

The purpose and aim of romantic relationship is not to find the right person who will complete us so that we will live happily ever after. If this narrative were true, why is it that divorce is still happening? Why is it that domestic violence and femicide are also growing at an alarming rate? Why is it that addiction, suicides, and mental ill-health are on the rise? The quality of our lives is directly connected to the quality of our relationships.

Relationship is the essence of life itself. Everything is in relationship to something else. In truth, nothing is separate or isolated. And yet, because we live in a world that perpetuates disconnection and isolation, humanity and many of our relationships have become superficial at best, or at times perpetuate suffering and conflict.

The commonly accepted twin flame story that there is another person who is the other half of your severed soul, I believe, is just a New Age rewrite of the unhelpful Hollywood story. This story disempowers us and encourages us to look outside ourselves, to find love and peace through another.

When we treat our partner as our other half, then we are just two incomplete beings locked into a codependent dynamic that limits our ability to really know the true depths of peace and love that are possible through divine union within ourselves. When we understand and take steps toward sanctifying our inner marriage, our partner becomes our teacher. We can thank them for acting like a poultice and for revealing wounds and old beliefs that we were not aware of, before the light of love illuminated that which we are now committed and ready to transform.

In many ways, a twin flame will represent our mother or father, as these are the imprints that we have adopted in our formative years about what it means to be a man or woman. We will energetically attract partners who have qualities and wounds similar to that of our parents. They will bring up the shadow aspects of masculine and feminine into the light of consciousness that we inherited from our parents.

This gives us the opportunity to transform these shadows and delete the aspects of distorted, fear-based masculine and feminine energies that are not in alignment with love and truth within us. When our twin triggers us, it is always that they have touched an old wound rather than about what they have said or done in the moment.

Remember that the purpose of your twin flame is to attain divine union within you. In my experience, there were times when my twin and I went our separate ways because the emotional triggering was too intense. But while we were separate, we both continued our inner work. I am blessed that life conspired to bring us back together again—when the time was right for us to resume our adventure in love—but the truth is that the success of a conscious relationship is not dependant on whether we stay together forever, but on how deep we travelled and the extent that we achieved union, peace, and love within ourselves.

Of course we would all love to have a life companion to walk through this beautiful, messy, human experience of life with, but some twin flames will not remain together. I believe that every significant romantic relationship I had was of a twin flame nature because although we agreed (consciously) to go our separate ways, we were both wiser and more complete as a result of our time together and were grateful to each other for the experiences we had shared.

As we increasingly take responsibility and do our inner work facilitated by our twin, we fall in love more deeply with ourselves, and the relationship and love for our twin grows too. After all, you can only love another to the extent that you love yourself.

May we all have the courage, commitment, and awareness to find our way home to love, through the path of conscious twin flame relationship or by any other means!

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