So, how are your 2020 resolutions going?

According to a Statista survey, 26% percent of you have already quit on yourselves. Not on the resolution, on yourself.

Did you take a new approach this year? Playing some mind games with yourself to get to those true lifestyle changes that the weight watchers lady says are necessary for long-term change, but that we constantly fall short of and then feel bad about ourselves about?

“It’s not a resolution…it’s my new way of living.”

I know.

None of us are great at sticking to our goals long-term.  Here is a four-step process I use for setting and achieving goals:

1. Get crystal clear on your priorities and set a goal.
2. Make an achievable action plan to achieve the goal.
3. Hold yourself accountable to the action plan.
4. Be mindful and watch for the moment you begin to self-sabotage.

The hardest but most important step is #4. We will all try to self-sabotage – that’s why most people don’t follow through on their resolutions. The way to be part of the very few people who actually achieve their goal long-term is to understand that you are going to try to self-sabotage, and to figure out a way to bust through those moments.

As a wellness partner I can’t stop my clients from self-sabotaging. I can tell them they are doing it, and we can figure out why they are doing it, but I can’t make them stop doing it. Sometimes my daily texts, phone calls and emails are never going to be enough for people who are too afraid to change.

Are you afraid to change? I hope not.

Comparing Last Year’s Resolutions with 2020

I have been reviewing the list of top resolutions in the U.S. from 2019 compared to this year. Of course, eating healthier, exercising more and losing weight are still on the top of our lists. The interesting part to me looking at new resolutions that are on this year’s list but didn’t appear on last year’s list, and which resolutions fell off from 2019:

Here are a few thoughts when comparing the lists:

New for 2020

• Improve performance on the job
• Live more economically
• Quit smoking
• Spend less time on social media
• Cut down on alcohol
• Become a vegetarian / vegan

Fell off From 2019

• Get a better job
• Live on a budget / save money
• Get more sleep
• Learn a new skill
• Travel

Seems we were looking for new jobs in 2019, and now in 2020 we need to increase our performance at those new jobs. Because the economy has been so great and unemployment rates low, I bet a lot of people indeed found new jobs last year and are now trying to do better at them in order to get promoted. I like it!

In 2019 we wanted to live on a budget / save money, but in 2020 we are calling it live more economically. I was trying to figure out what the difference was, and then I remembered that all of the recent global consumer prediction surveys are showing that people are being careful about what they are spending their money on. Not necessarily to put it in the bank, but to spend it on things that enhance their lives. “Health is new wealth” is the latest mantra.

Americans are spending less money on meaningless items that don’t spark joy and just take up space, and then diverting that money to health-related lifestyles and products. These include massages, healthy and fresh food, meditation, yoga, wellness coaching, and wellness-related travel and vacations.

Knowing that information makes it understandable how folks could not be “saving money” yet at the same time “living more economically”. We are making better choices with our cash.

The two most interesting items in the 2020 list to me are spend less time on social media and cut down on alcohol. This supports the idea that Americans are leaning toward living intentionally and mindfully. Spending less time on social media gives us more time to spend with our loved ones or to pursue healthy activities for ourselves.

Cutting down on alcohol is the same thing. I think people want to make sure they are present this year. Even social drinkers could benefit from trying life alcohol-free every once in a while to see how much more they can see, think and feel in each moment.

Instead of making a resolution where you’re setting yourself up to fail, like losing 25 pounds in a four-week period, how about focusing on strong mental health and stress reduction habits. Perhaps some of that weight may just fall off as a byproduct.

Here are a few ways to do that:

Connecting with People

Technology is the most amazing thing ever, right? It really is. We have everything available to us at our fingertips. No trips to the library required. No asking around. No yellow pages.

But I’m sure this is not the first time you’ve heard that it is also causing anxiety and depression levels to soar as we isolate and withdraw. This is proven, friends. We are getting more depressed and anxious because we are no longer connecting with our family, friends and neighbors.

When my parents were kids they knew every one on their block. They knew their postal worker, the garbage men, teachers, ministers, barber shop owners…nobody was a stranger.

And now we’re lucky if we are friendly with our next-door neighbors.

I’m lucky because we have a block party every year with our neighbors. And, having met each other through these parties we became wonderful friends and now do things together all year long.

You know why we have block parties? Because I planned them. I wanted my kids to grow up in the same type of environment that I did so I planned the first one. Where else would they take their first drink??

I once told my father that of this desire for annual block parties and a group of neighbors that are best friends, just like he and my mom had, and he told me that in order to have that the block must have a Lily Arcy. That’s the lady who organized everything.

Call me Lily, but now I’m living surrounded by my best friends.

Make this decade about gaining meaningful relationships with your friends, neighbors and community. And teach your children how it’s done!

Attitude of Gratitude

The second thing that I think we should all do is practice gratitude. I have talked about this quite a bit but that’s because it is extremely important. The one habit that literally changed my entire life was when I started writing down three things that I was grateful for every day. It is a game-changer.

You will feel better if you have an attitude of gratitude and a mindset of abundance. I promise it will make a huge shift in where you’re trying to go with your life.

Be of Service

Many studies have proven that supporting a cause or a group that is personally meaningful releases feel-good chemicals in our brains and adds to our own happiness. It’s called “helper’s high” and evolution has provided this innate drive to help others because it’s beneficial to human survival.

It also does other amazing things such as contribute to lower blood pressure and can improve immunity by raising the levels of antibodies we’re producing – decreasing the chance of catching illnesses such as the flu or common cold.

Doing things for other people selflessly and without expecting anything in return makes us feel good about ourselves. As philosopher John Stuart Mill wrote, “Those only are happy who have their minds fixed on some object other than their own happiness.”