11 years ago – right about now… it was a Saturday as well but I remember it being colder and sunnier…

I was in Windsor, Ontario – about to cross the border into Detroit, Michigan heading to the airport to catch a flight to Florida for a golf trip with colleagues.

The phone rang – I looked at the display on my phone – it was a friend calling.  I expected he was calling me to wish me a great trip so I answered the phone.

What I didn’t know was that call would change the trajectory of my life forever.

His voice was shaky, very unusual for him and I could tell over the phone that he was emotional.  My heart sank instantly.

With all the strength and courage he could find he said “Kevin, —- (publication ban prevents me from sharing names) has gone to the Police and accused you of raping her.”

Just writing that memory today – 11 years later – it still weighs very heavy on me and I can’t not go back to that moment without reliving the pain, the shock, the fear, the instant shame that overtook my being sitting in the car that morning.

I was beside myself not knowing what to do – a thousand questions rolling through my mind.

He recommended that I not go on my trip, that I contact my lawyer and that I return home as soon as possible and contact the Police.

I took his advice as he was a man I respected and revered – a man who always held others best interests above his own.

I called my lawyer at home – someone I had known for a number of years. I don’t remember everything he said but I do remember him telling me, “Kevin 99% you are going to be charged and 95% chance you will be convicted.”

I got back home and went to the police station to be told to go home and wait for them to contact me.  I waited on pins and needles – every time I would see a police car my heart would jump, every time my phone would ring my pulse quickened. And I waited for two months until March 13, 2009 when my phone rang and it was a constable on the other end.

He said to me in a matter of fact tone, “I guess you have been expecting my call?  As you know you are going to be charged with Sexual Assault and whenever you are able to come into the station we can proceed with the next steps.

No car came to arrest me, no handcuffs.

I immediately drove to the station and was taken into an office where they shared with me the victims statement.

The first line in the disclosure document was “He has become too big and too cocky and someone needs to teach him a lesson.”

After listening to everything I was accused of, the arresting officer said to me “So if you just admit to doing this it will make everything easier and we could just move forward.”

I refused to admit to the allegations so I was placed in a jail cell to ‘think about what I wanted to do’.  It seemed like forever although it was about two hours – in that time I wondered to myself “how long they would leave me here”, “will they ever let me out”, “is the only way to get out to admit to something I never did?”

I passed the time signing to myself, ‘You are my sunshine”.

Realizing I was not going to admit to the allegations against me iI was given one last chance to speak my piece.  I expressed how ridiculous the allegations were only to be told “Well you could have come to us first and alleged that she did the same thing to you.”

That was the first moment I realized that the greatest injustice is believing there is justice in the justice system.

I have learned a lot about myself over the past 11 years in the hardest way possible. I have learned about compassion – how to be compassionate to myself as well as to others, I have learned about authenticity – how important it is to be true to yourself even though others may not appreciate that truth and I have learned about humility – we are all in this together.

I still don’t believe I have learned the biggest lesson in all of this – as I think learning the lesson may lessen the pain.

All court transcripts and news articles are at the world’s disposal – this is my truth told to the best of my ability.

This is an attempt to transform the hurt inside myself, to confront a past and to find a way to live with and incorporate these memories.  Even though society and culture is not allowing me to move forward – I want to leave these memories behind so I can move forward somehow.