February 2019, a year ago from today, I was enjoying life. I was meeting new friends, going to concerts and happy to be me. The only thing was I was still in love with my ex.

Through self-discovery, there is suffering involved. Through this discovery, a sense of freedom followed. I enjoyed partying, hanging out with friends and being the ultimate bachelorette. I wasn’t going to allow anyone to take my newly gained freedom away.

This newly discovered freedom evidently transformed into alcoholism. Alcohol was consumed to cover up deep wounds from my previous engagement instead of cleaning them. Deep down in the depth of my heart, anger, pain and sadness began to ripple. Eventually, the ripples became intense waves, crashing to the shoreline of my consciousness.

October 23rd, 2019 was a very important day for the initiation of my healing process. I went to the hospital that day because I was serious about committing suicide. The pain was so extreme from me pushing it away that ending it all seemed like the only option.

I spent the night in the hospital releasing everything. I began to realize after a while that drinking wasn’t solving anything, and that I became an addict. I realized that it is okay to feel emotions, and most importantly, to seek help when the waves become really strong. I made the decision to stop drinking, and to fully look and observe what is happening inside.

We can not deny what’s going on internally. We have to care, and even more so, honor each emotion and thought that surfaces. This is how we begin to heal, and forgive the past so we may fully enjoy the present moment.

Yes, it is extremely painful, but after a while we begin to embrace the pain instead of pushing it away. This is the best part because the resentment we once felt transforms into forgiveness. We begin to forgive how the person treated us. We begin to forgive ourselves for being so self-inflicting. We begin to love.

Im this journey, I am still working on acceptance. I am not angry with my ex anymore. I find myself grateful of the bond we shared. I find myself wishing them well, wherever they are. I find myself sending them love and kind thoughts.

I also send myself love and kind thoughts, and patience through each emotion that involves them. It is okay to feel this way, because when we feel we observe. We pay attention to the self, and at this point, we can honor each thought and emotion.

Wherever you are on your acceptance journey, keep in mind that the journey is rocky. It may even be treacherous in places, but that is okay. Rams can stand on edges of cliffs without faltering. You can carry on through the most intense path, and still make it out okay. Just remain patient, kind and gentle with yourself. Remember that you are loved always.