1. Stay On The Same Side Of The Problem

We’re working toward the same goals, sharing in the same triumphs, and working through the same problems. We may sometimes disagree on strategy or the best way forward, but even when we are in opposition, we’re still on the same side.When you feel like a friend or employee is your adversary, it’s easy to forget that they are also doing their best. But you wouldn’t have a relationship with or hire someone you didn’t think was a good person. Part of building relationships, Say thank you messages for boss for personal life or at work, is trust. Assuming good intentions will make you a better manager. Instead of seeing a mistake as a personal failing, by giving people the benefit of the doubt, you can more clearly see individual or institutional skills or knowledge gaps, without putting them on the defensive.

2. Be Clear About The Issue

To prepare for the conversation, you need to ask yourself two important questions: “What exactly is the behavior that is causing the problem?” and “What is the impact that the behavior is having on you, the team or the organization?” you need to reach clarity for yourself so you can articulate the issue in two or three succinct statements. If not, you risk going off on a tangent during the conversation.

3. Know Your Objective

As english philosopher theodore zeldin put it: a successful conversation “Doesn’t just reshuffle the cards: it creates new cards.” what are the new cards that you want to have in your hands by the end of the conversation? Once you have determined this, plan how you will close the conversation. Don’t end without clearly expressed action items. What is the person agreeing to do? What support are you committed to provide? What obstacles might prevent these remedial actions from taking place? What do you both agree to do to overcome potential obstacles? Schedule a follow up to evaluate progress and definitively reach closure on the issue at hand.

4. Be Comfortable With Silence

There will be moments in the conversation where a silence occurs. Don’t rush to fill it with words. Just as the pause between musical notes helps us appreciate the music, so the periodic silence in the conversation allows us to hear what was said and lets the message sink in. A pause also has a calming effect and can help us connect better. For example, if you are an extrovert, you’re likely uncomfortable with silence, as you’re used to thinking while you’re speaking. This can be perceived as steamrolling or overbearing, especially if the other party is an introvert.

5. Choose The Right Place To Have The Conversation

Calling people into your office may not be the best strategy. Sitting in your own turf, behind your desk, shifts the balance of power too much on your side. Even simple body language, such as leaning forward toward the person rather than leaning back on your chair, can carry a subtle message of your positive intentions; I.E., “We’re in this together. Let’s problem solve so that we have a better workplace.” consider holding the meeting in a neutral place such as a meeting room where you can sit adjacent to each other without the desk as a barrier.

6. Manage The Emotions

Most of us were likely raised to believe that emotions need to be left at the door. We now know that this is an old-school approach that is no longer valid in today’s work environments. It is your responsibility as a leader to understand and manage the emotions in the discussion. The late robert plutchik, professor at the albert einstein college of medicine, created a wheel of emotions to show that emotions follow a path. What starts as an annoyance, for example, can move to anger and, in extreme cases, escalate to rage.