Everyone has a path in life.  Some create their paths while others wait for signs and follow the paths that open up before them.  When we were younger, the paths were more like super highways with bad weather, bad drivers and major traffic jams.  We stayed the course, even when we were give several opportunities to exit, we kept going – fast and furious.

Like a super highway there are people who travel in the “fast lane”, some who stay firmly planted in the middle and others that are completely happy strolling along in the slow lane.  Where are you in your drive?  Are you still on the highway or did you take an exit and settle into the life you wanted?  I’m somewhere in the middle lane, slowing down, getting ready to put my blinker on to move into the slow lane.  Drive slowly, take in the scenery, laugh at all the idiots flying by me, check out the billboards and look for a roadside attraction that will take me on a new adventure.  I’m ready to take an exit and find a bi-way that leads me to “my way.”  Sounds like a country song, doesn’t it?

I’m growing tired and uninterested in knowing that my income depends on someone’s ability to tell me whether or not I’m good enough.  I’m losing interest in working so hard to keep up only to have what small benefits I get disappear.  I’m beginning to feel out of place and an outsider looking in at a world that I’m being edged out of because I’m a slow mover and have no interest in making this job the center of my world.  I know it’s an odd thing for me to say because I really love my current job.  I just don’t know if I fit anymore…I don’t know.

I’ve talked a lot about turning 50 and becoming an empty nester, but I think that all the change that has happened to me over the past few years is finally settling into my head.  I’m distracted most of the time because I want to do other things.  However, my world consists of social constructs and financial boundaries that don’t allow for me to stray too far from this current path.  Slowing down doesn’t seem to be in the cards, but thankfully ‘visualizing’ is.

Part of my daily routine these days is to write in my journal/planner.  I have a 5-minute journal which keeps me grateful and humble, but I have the wonderful ‘transformation journal/planner/dream book’ that helps me visualize what my life can be.  There are exercises that show me how to consider what I want, what that looks like (presently and in three years) and what I need to do to get there.  There are several considerations to make when becoming someone new.  Changing lanes, slowing down and finding a new path just isn’t something that is going to manifest itself from one of my drunk induced dreams!  (Well, I suppose it could happen that way considering I allow for “magic” and “luck” to be part of my visionary travels – hey, it could happen! Who are you to tell me faeries and witches aren’t real?)

Anyway, highways or bi-ways, I’ve still got much to do before anything in my life changes.  First, I need to change some bad habits (drunk-induced dreaming, anyone?).  Second, I need to be more intentional and mindful about where I am currently.  I don’t want to be dreaming of a new life or different path and be missing out on the awesomeness that is the “NOW” part of my life!  Thirdly, I’m tired and I know this about me.  I’ve lived a life of love, happiness, laughter, sadness, hurt, pain and all those other feelings in between.  I’ve moved several times.  I’ve started new jobs only to move to something that served me better financially – and hated the new job, but needed the money.  I’ve had good relationships, not so good ones, and one very happy one (thanks, Jerry!).  I’ve watched my children grow into some wonderful adults and I’m looking forward to grandchildren…to add to the awesome one I have.  Through all of that, I’ve had a million hairstyles, several kinds of glasses, my wardrobe changes and grows every year (both in size and amount) and I still have an unnatural love for pocketbooks (purses to those of you who are more refined).  So, yeah, I’m tired.

Finally, I’ve realized that at some point I need to be happy with what I do on a daily basis.  Thankfully, my current position allows me to help others and be a positive influence in their lives.  I love knowing that the work I do helps others and somehow makes a small difference in this difficult world.  So, for now, doing this suits me and I know this is where I need to be.  Nevertheless, I am going to continue to work on my life, to consider what steps I need to take to make the change I want to see, and I’m going to continue to dream, visualize and use whatever “magic” is out there to finally get off the highway.

I want to turn that blinker on and signal to the rest of the old dogs that I’m switching lanes.  I’m not jumping off the highway quite yet, but I’m gonna enjoy this shift in speed, take in the scenery and really pay attention to those road signs.  There’s an exit coming up and hopefully, it will be to a quiet space, surrounded by family and children –  maybe I can use some magic to keep hope alive and give peace a chance.

Peace, love and light my road warriors!

*blog post from Old Dog, New Fish (mimere68.com)