I love a holiday based on capitalism to remind me that deep inside, I’m grieving.

I’m grieving the relationships I never got to have. The ones that ended too soon or in disappointment. And the one I’m in that just doesn’t seem to be going the way I planned.

When you’re hurting on Valentine’s Day, the sheer magnitude of emotions you are trying so hard to keep in check burst. They flow into the watery pool you find yourself in, and the only thing that feels right is to just let yourself sink. Sink down into the darkness away from all the kisses, hearts, and “I love you’s.”

When you’re hurting on Valentine’s Day, it’s hard to remember what loving yourself looks like. It’s hard to see if love could ever exist again. It’s hard to just breathe. I feel myself choking on the emotions welling up inside, and I just want to breathe.

Despite how hard your heart might be grieving, there are a few things you can do for comfort.

1. Get outside. Soothe your hurting heart by taking a walk with Pachamama. She reminds you just how perfect you are, just how loved you are, and that the connection we make in life takes on many different forms.
2. Head to your local bookstore or library. Strange one, I know, but for me getting lost in the stories reminds me of how beautiful life can be. Authors weave their words in many ways to take us on epic adventures, grief, imagination, and horror. Taking an emotional time-out in the stories of another will give your heart a break.
3. Get away for the night. If you can, create an adventure for yourself. Take the day/night off for you and treat yourself to a night away. It can be local or far. Either way, a fresh landscape to explore could also restore the hurt you’re feeling.
4. Volunteer at a local animal shelter. What better way to fill your cup than spending time with our fur friends? Their love has no limits, and they just know how to fill us up with joy. And if you can’t get into a shelter, snuggle your fur friend for the day or borrow someone else’s.
5. Write your story. Allow your story to flow without trepidation, without sensor. Every word you release is healing for you and healing for others. Perhaps this story will resonate with another who is hurting and be a reminder that we are all in this together. We are all hurting at various points in our lives, and that’s okay. It’s okay to sit with the pain and hurt. It’s okay to let it out. Whatever you decide to do with your story, it’s one of great courage and vulnerability.

When you’re hurting on Valentine’s Day, know that it’s not all bad. You chose to love someone, and that is a valiant quest. To open your heart and let someone see you is love in itself.

So be gentle and kind to yourself and know that love is everywhere. It’s in us, it is us, and we are truly loved more than we realize. It comes in many different places, forms, and situations—but to be hurting because you loved is not a bad thing.

Sit with the grief if you must, but when you’re hurting on Valentine’s Day, you’re actually the highest vibration of love.

For those who need to hear this today: I love you.