As I work from home, what I am working hardest on is staying positive and grateful as the world navigates through this uncharted territory.

We are seeing plenty of bad; just turn on the news, or scroll through your Facebook feed and you will see it. A lot of it.

But I am choosing to focus on the good. And I am seeing a lot of that too.

Settling into my new normal from the comfortable confines of my home, I am trying to create healthy and positive routines.

I am up early each day and on my laptop; feeling blessed that I have so much work to do and that I can do it all from my couch.

I am stocked up now with enough groceries to last us without leaving the house for at least three weeks, probably longer.

With Shelly’s brain injury and PTSD I constantly remind myself that my most crucial job is being her caregiver. Her brain is always on high alert, balancing near panic mode in the most normal of times.

So the uncertainty of this pandemic has her PTSD in overdrive. Yes, I was one of those putting some focus on stocking up the refrigerator and pantry over the past week. Not to hoard, but to make sure we had enough of what we need for the upcoming weeks. Without this reassurance, Shelly’s PTSD would immobilize her with a wave of fear, panic and terror.

My top task is to keep this trauma at an absolute minimum for her.

I am trying to be mindful of her space and the routines that she has in place each day, while creating new ones as I try to gracefully ease into being a constant within her space.

Sixteen months ago I was diagnosed with type-2 Diabetes. From the moment of diagnosis I have taken this with the utmost seriousness.

I totally changed my behavior and my way of life. I have eliminated carbs and sugar from my diet, which has tested all aspects of self-control as I basically live in a bakery (Shelly is a baker :)).  I have lost 38 pounds. I am 53 years old and this morning I weighed less than any day since I was in my 20’s.

I keep hearing and reading the reports that I am in an extremely high-risk group to have major complications. This has my attention as I am taking all the precautions that I need to take.

When I received my diabetes diagnosis I thought of Shelly before anything else. Complete panic hit me as I realized how important it is for me to take care of myself, so I could continue to be around to take care of her.

The diagnosis was the exact wake up call that I needed.

I am now stuck at home with a months-worth of food at my fingertips. But I am committed more than ever to keep the weight off and not give into any temptation of snacking between meals. I am 5 pounds away from my 1994 wedding weight of 175 pounds. I am determined to come out of this weighing less than that.

I am in a position now where I will only leave the house for Shelly, the dogs and I to do our multiple daily walks through the neighborhood.

Music is my therapy, as well as my passion. I have been amazed and inspired since I began staying home seeing artists provide their art from the comfort of their homes. They are doing this as a way for themselves to cope with their own isolation as well as giving back to us in our time of need.

Each evening, as we unwind from the day, Shelly and I tune into YouTube to watch Ben Gibbard (front man of Death Cab for Cutie and The Postal Service) as he conducts a daily 50 minute performance from his home studio in Seattle. He is doing this every day for two weeks. It definitely has provided a calming effect for us.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ei9xuVkbQuU

No matter what your music genre of preference is; by now you can find someone every day doing something with their art similar to what Ben is doing. I suggest taking the time to explore this.

I am a Mortgage Loan Originator; which is a fancy name for a Loan Officer.

I lived through the past economic downturn. In a lot of ways I hit what many would call rock-bottom. It has taken me all the way until now to finally feel like we have recovered from that as a family. Our industry, like so many others, is obviously in chaos, so I can’t help but worry about what’s next.

But I always try to stay focused on the things that really can be controlled and what really matters most.

I know more about grief than any other subject.

So I can’t stop reflecting on all of those that have already lost loved ones from this virus, and those that will very soon be losing those that are the most important thing to their world.

This makes my heart hurt, as I know so well what a life sentence grief provides.

I worry about Shelly.

I worry that I can keep doing my part to keep her safe. I am again blown away and inspired by her positivity, resilience and perspective as we hunker down into this together. But I do worry about her getting sick, as a widow it is only natural for my mind to go there.

I worry about our sons Dylan and Taylor.

They are grown now. As much as I wish I could keep them locked up safe inside our home, I can’t. They have their own lives. Shelly and I have provided the foundation for them to make wise choices.

But I worry that they are always safe.

I worry about my Mom and Dad.

They are in their 80’s and settling into the new home they downsized into just a month ago. Although it’s only 13 miles away. It feels a lot further now. I am in close touch, making sure they are taking the necessary precautions and have what they need.

It’s important right now that we focus on the good that is all around us.

We are resilient people. We will collectively be stronger than ever before.

Even though we may be physically apart, we will get through this together.

Inside us is the strength and perspective to fight to stay grateful and positive.

A version of this was originally published on my blog, Ten Thousand Days https://tenthousanddays.blog/.