For years, I believed womanly power was wearing my ‘I don’t need a man’ badge with pride, like a shiny gold declaration on my chest showing my dedication to feminist thinking and my strong independent women vibe.

I mean, in this day and age, society continues to express that power for women is linked to a sense of independence in all aspects of life. Emotionally we have to be strong, learning to intertwine a masculine energy and ‘I don’t give a f**k attitude’, physically strong to challenge our male peers, sexually strong otherwise we’re vanilla and mentally strong so we don’t seem over emotional.

Honestly, what a burden of pressure, all to conform to the #bossbitch collective we see from those who don’t understand the foundations and strands of feminism in all its beauty and complexity.   

When a strong woman is shown to us in the media often, she is emotionally hard, she uses men for her own sexual gratification, and she comes and goes as she pleases. Fitting men and relationships in when it benefits. Dating culture has created a selfish attitude to intimacy and a loathing for commitment as people fear emotional exposure and vulnerability. I understand, when we experience hurt its easier to create an ego and think we don’t need a man to protect our heart as it begins to associate pain to men and being in love.

I thought I didn’t need a man. I thought being an independent woman meant we live in this mindset where we don’t need a male for anything, because we are strong enough to figure things out for ourselves. We allow males into our lives because we want them to enrich it with their masculinity and help soothe our underlying desire as women to be cared for and looked after. I feel in some way, that is true, but thinking we don’t need our partner becomes dangerous to our emotional connections.

Lately, I’ve been reflecting and wondering, does this mindset cause us to undervalue the men in our lives? Have we taken the balance and blend of power for granted? And do we push people away with this destructive attitude? Personally, for me, I think so.

Part of my spiritual awakening has brought the beauty of true love into my life. For the first time I can look at someone and say ‘I need you’ with no vulnerability shit storm afterwards. How refreshing. I need the male in my life but not in ways that society associates with a lack of power and independence. Needing someone is refreshing, it’s in those moments of purity and vulnerability, the strength within is shown, and the love for myself is heightened because I can say those words with happiness without doubting my own worth and contribution to our partnership.

When you create the shift in attitude from ‘wanting someone’ to ‘needing someone’ you open the space for a mutual exchange of teaching and loving one another whilst learning from mistakes along the way. It’s beautiful what is created when the ego subsides, and we tap into the soft and dominant variations of our feminine energy. Powerful and strong in our own right yet vulnerable needing reassurance and connection. For me, being a strong woman is having independence and inner strength yet the ability to show emotional vulnerability in a relationship. We all need someone on this journey so lean into love and understand that does not dull your power.