I am tired of being left unsatisfied.

I can count on one hand the number of times I have had an orgasm. Damn. Is it the same for you? Then hop in!

Let me give you a little background of who I am. I am a happily married, middle-aged woman. Yes, I do have plenty of sex with my husband. But as the story goes, our sex got bland. And news flash—I can’t go around sleeping with other guys. I am already stressed about a lot of things and I am not going to make this one of them.

Besides, it helps to reduce stress (duh), increases body confidence, and improves well-being.

Why shouldn’t we care about ourselves?

These are my revelations during my journey to self-exploration:

>> Every vulva is different and unique. 

Like men, women’s sexual health is vital for emotional and physical well-being. Unlike men, the needs of every woman are different. It’s not one-size-fits-all. The way to enjoy your body is unique. Explore different paths!

>> Masturbate!

Explore your body so that you and your partner (if you want someone around for the fun) can maximize pleasure. You can check out this link to get some ideas. But listen, love, it’s your body. No one knows it better than you do. So the more you touch, the more you know.

For that, you will need the next item on our list.

>> Toys. 

Trust me. This is a long-term investment.

You don’t need tons of them; few or even one will do. But there are so many types out there, so you should do a little research before you get yours. I regret the first one that I bought. In several online stores, they ask you to do a small survey (if you want to). It helps you to know your type.

No, I am not suggesting that you buy from those stores. I am asking you to know your type.

Do you like exploring solo? Partner? Group?

Are you looking for something intense, unique, or mobile?

I used my fingers for a long time, and it’s the most widely used toy ever.

>> Stories and podcasts.

There are stories and podcasts, apart from watching visual content that might help to set the mood. Especially if, like me, you have shitty Wi-Fi sometimes.

Stories make it easier to see yourself there, but it can be difficult to read anything when both hands are occupied. So I read it on my way home. 

Another way is to listen to podcasts. There are free ones and those that are paid. And yes, the paid ones cost money for a reason. *wink* 

>> Music. 

If music is what turns you on, then go for it. 

Music does not only act as an on switch—it makes the experience last longer. It also gets us happy and nullifies other noises.

There are lots of varieties out there. However, going for something that lasts for half an hour or more helps. Also, if you are a beginner and don’t know where to look, start with something soft and a good beat to it. A rhythm that you can work with.

>> Foreplay. 

Some women are more direct than others, but foreplay is a must for us all.

All of these do not have to be inclusive. You can go for all or just one of the above. But the important thing is you find your jam.

>> Explore.

Explore your beautiful body and be bold. I was super shy and felt that I should be told what to do during sex. You know, playing innocent. But it is not wrong to find out what you want. It’s your body—your needs.

Besides, do you know that masturbation helps to improve your relationship with your partner? The little v-machine down there needs to be oiled periodically to keep it turned on. But you already know that. Not because you read it somewhere, but your body gave you those signals plenty of times.

I mean, you did get turned on after watching a steamy adult scene. Right? Tada!

Oil the engine, my friends.

>> Share your secrets with your partner.

Sex is not only physical. It is bonding. Now that does not mean you give an entire lecture to your partner.

Tell him or her what you want during the start or give a few gestures. I am saying this because I tend to provide a lot of instructions like a preacher at times and be a vegetable during others. Neither are good. 

That being said, there is no rule on it. Every person sees sex differently. You both find your balance—your mix.

But you must share your needs with your partner (even if it’s a one-night stand). Let the person know what you like and respect theirs. 

Okay, enough with the reading. Time to start touching. I have shared my story.

What’s yours? What gives you the most pleasure? What gets you going? You can give me new ideas to work on!