When I first decided to start writing articles for the blog I set out to challenge myself with my writing by picking a topic and figuring out a way to show how a person could be empowered or enlightened in that area. The first two topics seem to flow fairly quickly with stories and focus points that I would use to develop the interests of others. Now that I am supposed to write about Value I have found myself struggling. I know I need to peel back layers and speak my truth but at this moment all I want to do is hide.

Initially when I thought of value I thought back to my memories of when I was in my 20’s. All of my friends were getting married. I desperately wanted to be a part of that club . The reality was I was living my own Katherine Heigel version of 27 dresses. Who am I kidding, it was more like Kristin Wiig in Bridesmaids. The only difference is that the rom-com that represented my life was lacking both the rom and the com. For me, back then, being married was the ultimate display of value when it came to relationships. To be married was a big statement that people say to each other – “ You are enough for me”. Value. I placed a lot of weight on the word when it came to relationships in my 20’s but had so much more to learn.

Thinking back to the reasoning behind why I seem to always be the bridesmaid never the bride and how I gave up on the idea was even more tragic. I was in a relationship that I convinced myself was just toxic..That’s all. It was unhealthy and I didn’t need to be with the guy. He never put his hands on me but it was unhealthy that he controlled everything about me and the things that I owned. He managed to alter my mindset in such a way that every time I thought I would leave he somehow convinced me to stay.

The day came when I decided that I was not going to allow him to convince me to stay anymore. The day that no matter what he said I was going to leave and never look back. That was when I found out just how unhealthy my relationship was. I started to leave the apartment to take a box of my belongings to the car, he locked all the locks on the front door, pulled out a gun and told me that I wasn’t leaving because I would be breaking up the family and that’s something he couldn’t let me do. 

I have to pause in this story because my mind just went to a book that I remember reading by lyana Vanzant called “The Value in the Valley”. The book is a Black woman’s guide to life’s dilemmas. The valleys that she refers to are the obstacles and challenges we face and that it is there in the valley that we learn because we are forced to grow. In her book she gave examples of things that take place that are more normal circumstances such as paying bills, lack of motivation on the job,etc. Nothing in her book could have prepared me for this obstacle. Although I can appreciate the book I am here to tell you that you DO NOT have to suffer to grow! There is one thing I can agree with and that is when faced with obstacles there are lessons that can be learned. What is the lesson I learned when I tried to leave?Leave when he’s not home. So I did a couple of weeks later.

Value. That relationship, little did I know, would have an impact on my ability to truly be vulnerable in relationships going forward. I became the subject matter expert in knowing how to be close enough to someone while displaying emotions yet still remaining detached. The need to stay guarded over my environment would be a trait that I wasn’t aware that I carried with me. Are the therapists reading this having a field day yet? 

I eventually found myself attracting men of loving quality but still no one that I considered  of my Value. I began to work on myself hoping that a higher vibration would attract a higher quality of man and life. I spent months in search of ideas, principles, and even speakers that could help me along my journey. I found myself drawn to Ted Talks and Oprah’s Soulful Sundays listening to Gabrielle Bernstein, Brene Brown, Mel Robbins,Carolyn Myss, and Glennon Doyle Melton to name a few. My soul felt fed when I watched inspirational videos by Team Fearless and Law of Attraction Coaching. I finally valued myself in a way that would help me to live an abundant life.

That is when I discovered Christie Marie Sheldon. Her Q&A at MindValley on How to Clear Abundance Blocks is Amazing. Much like Christie, I have always loved puzzles since I was a kid and accepted my intuitive skills of being an empath. Gaining an understanding of imprinting and how it plays a role in our lives has a greater value than what people could possibly recognize. Imprinting sets the standards of our values which in turn may be altered during our life based upon our experiences. We are all flawed however when we value ourselves, others will reflect back to us the value we put out in the universe.