As a little girl, I always dreamed of having a Cinderella wedding. I dreamed of my Prince Charming finding me and sweeping me off my feet.  I imagined having a wedding with the beautiful long white dress with a long train flowing freely behind me as I approached my Prince Charming. Well, that was not my story.

Don’t get me wrong, the wedding was beautiful, but the marriage was far from happily ever after.

The sad thing is I knew what I was getting into, but for some reason I was in denial. I thought that after I got married things were going to change.

I was in my early twenties and my husband and I already had a son who was about to turn one.

I wanted to give us a chance. I refused to listen to the advice of  family who knew this was not a good idea. I later found out just how right they were.

I saw the signs before we got married but I didn’t understand what was going on. I was young and naive, and I  lived a very sheltered life.

I didn’t want to believe the man I fell in love with had these issues he had been dealing with long before he met me.

Once I found out the truth about him and why he would go days without coming home to his family, and the truth about why when he came home he was so hungry and tired. I confronted him with it.

He did not deny the truth.

He tried getting help but he was never serious.

Some of his issues caught up with him, and he went to prison for a little over a year, and he came home a changed man. Of course being in prison for over a year did not allow him to have access to the streets, so he could not help but to change.

I remained a faithful supportive wife the whole year. I made sure he had everything he needed while he was locked up.

When he was released we decided to have another baby. We did not want my son to grow up alone and things were better for a long time. I thought we were finally going to be a real family. I truly believed he had his life together.

Then slowly but surely he started leaving  us again. He would apologize and bring me a gift. It was usually a few items of clothes he bought from the mall.

He would say things like, “See I thought about you while I was out. I always think about you.”

I started getting use to it because the cycle started to become predictable. He  would come home, talk about how he loves his family and would ask for another chance.

He would promise not to do it again, and I forgave him. He would beg me not to leave, and being an empath made it harder for me to leave.

Years later, anxiety, stress, and depression started to affect my health. There were times when I could not look at myself in the mirror because I did not recognize who I was, I had lost my identity.

I never experienced anxiety or depression or mental health issues before. I  was happy with my life, and happy with who I was, and where my life was headed before I met him.

I finally decided to put my health and my kids first and decided enough was enough, and made my move to leave him.

I had been saving money he knew  nothing about, and I put in an application for a two bedroom apartment for me and my two boys. Shortly after separating, I filed for a divorce, and it was the best decision I ever made.

I have to be honest with you, it took me a couple of years to find myself again. It took a couple years for the healing to began, but I made it out. I felt so free and so happy to be away. I was able to sleep peacefully again, and I was able to be a better Mother to my kids.

I have been divorced from him for almost eleven years now! Finding my road to recovery has been an ongoing journey. The first thing I had to do was find me again. I had to remember what I loved to do for myself.

I  started doing things that made me feel good. I started practicing self love and self care. For me, that was going to the salon, or going to get a manicure or a pedicure when I was able to.

I could feel myself getting stronger and more confident as the months went on.

Over the years I have learned about meditation and how helpful it can be in healing mentally and emotionally.

It feels good to be a living a life free from the control and lies of a narcissistic person. I went through a lot of emotional abuse, and the healing process was lengthy, but the important thing is  made it out.

I thought I was not going to be able to make it without him. I was terrified to make the move with my two young children. The truth was, I was doing it all alone anyway.

I just needed the strength and courage to do what was healthy. If you are in a relationship that is toxic, just know that you are worth so much more.

I send my love, peace, and blessings to each and every one of you.