When things get hard in life , each one of us has his own defense mechanism , mine was denial : denial of the whole situation or maybe just denial about how I feel towards the situation .

I can actually say that even sometimes I used to lie to myself when the going gets rough or just unpleasant to me .

Because the truth is sometimes is hard to face or because I don’t want to let myself in my own head because I am afraid to sink inside and not being able to get out and I don’t know how deep it can get or how it can affect me and I am just NOT READY !

But sooner or later it usually comes back to bite me in the ass! Just like karma but this time it’s between me and myself.

Actually it doesn’t “come back” because simply it never left , it has always been there , untouched ,unnoticed until it gets triggered !

This actually what happened to me during this Quarantine , I took time off work ( as I am dentist so work was diminished to emergencies only ), and I decided to have this time for myself and maybe focus on my mental health .

My day simply consists of yoga, meditation, cooking and spending time with my family .

I didn’t want to watch any series movies as I was trying to minimize my on screen time .

I don’t know whether it was the free time or the meditation ,but something triggered in my soul , because at the start of every time I meditate I ask myself how I feel physically and emotionally and I try to be 100% honest with myself .

And by time I found that  have a lot of tightness in my soul , just like when you go to have a  massage and you find a lot of tense muscles , I found this tension in my soul.

So I decided to take this time to deal with the “undealt” , to finish every unfinished business .

Maybe apologize to myself or to someone else about something I did wrong ( even if I said I am sorry before because sometimes we say it without actually feeling sorry because we want the situation to pass )

Maybe I should take the time to see how my plan in life is going , yes it is always shifting to go with the flow , but am I actually OK with it ? and if not what can I do about it ?

Maybe I should take the time to check my inner voice , to see why isn’t always kind to me ?

I don’t want to keep running from the truth , I want to check every sensitive part in my soul to see what’s wrong with it and how I can fix it if I can to make it right in order to find peace !