I use to pee on my yoga pants.

Regularly.

My office sits across from my bathroom, and I would often dart across the hall in my yoga pants, to pee, while checking my email – pee on my pants as I got up quickly, dash hand-sanitizer on my hands and go back to work.

I used to eat lunch while talking on the phone, or while standing at the oven on Instagram.

I used to eat nuts for lunch and cheese for a snack.

I used to get off the video call, only to get on another phone call, then off to the social media races.

I used to check my email in the middle of yoga.

Then, I took email off my phone.

Ah.

So, I brought my laptop everywhere.

I would connect to WiFi in the Target parking lot.

I once left a yoga class to send an email… on the laptop.

Then, I left it at home.

So, I would dash to the public library after happy-hours and lunches… just to make sure everything was OK.

I used to pee on my yoga pants, in order to control outcomes and make sure my clients were happy.

It’s been a long road to not only wearing real pants but utilizing the restroom in peace. Washing my hands with soap and water. Looking myself in the eyes.

Leaving my phone… and laptop at home.

Enjoying my yoga class.

Going to the library for books.

Not having a panic attack when I went to the grocery store at 3:00, or took myself for lunch; or took a day off.

I used to pee on my yoga pants to make sure you liked me.

Now, I look in my own eyes and ask myself, “Are you enjoying your day?”

Then, you’re doing a good job. I love you.