A decade older than me, he was a loving and conscious man, travelling the world as a teacher of yoga and meditation. He ticked all the boxes —and there are many boxes.

However, as we ventured into more intimate lands, he shared that he felt intimidated by how comfortable I am in my sexuality. My work as sexuality coach didn’t help to boost his confidence either. Was my Wild Woman confronting his sense of manhood?

It was painful to feel “intimidating”; deep down I just wanted to feel loved. So, in order to get (or rather, manipulate) the love I wanted, I played the game. One small event sharply stands out in my memory. One bright morning I woke up feeling ecstatic just to be alive and, in my body. I felt like a luscious Goddess! When choosing my outfit for the day, however, I opted for something that felt more “complacent”. I muted down my sensual vibrancy because I wanted him to feel safe with me.

My desire to make it work with him overshadowed my authenticity. I compromised my essence to feel accepted.

This dynamic with my yogi man contains uncountable moments in my life when I didn’t speak up, didn’t say no or spoke half of my Truth. I played small in order to accommodate the smallness of others. I feared that I wouldn’t be loved had I revealed all of my totality.

The pain of withholding my bigness throughout my life was revelatory. And excruciating. By doing so I was actually withholding the most precious parts of who I am. So, I set off on my own Heroine’s Journey to unapologetically fall in love with all parts of myself.

This is what I found.

1. The only way into a conscious man’s heart is through us knowing and owning all parts of ourselves. 

Let’s get clear on what qualities exactly we desire. And then become that woman who will be ready and capable of meeting his brave heart at all levels when he shows up. Sounds thrilling, huh? It’s a journey of self-empowerment, not of binge-watching Netflix and silently hoping for things to change.

Recalibrating our life from within can entail a myriad of things: from exploring our sexuality to mastering your emotions, from reconnecting to our inner Feminine to rewiring our relationship to money.

In my yogi-man’s case, it was realising that feeling too much is pretty much the same like feeling not enough. Both are disempowering beliefs because they make us wait for someone else either to give us permission to be big or validate our worth. After delving into my shadows, I found a raging Wild Woman who needed to roar, run naked through the forest (literally), and spit fire balls as she shed rivers of tears. I cracked open.

As we gather all of our parts, previously shamed and obscured, we start embodying an inner sense of wholeness. The right people will be magnetically drawn to us by result. Our inner radiance attracts more of the same. I call it quantum dating. (I know, Cosmo probably wouldn’t print my article).

In essence, a mindset and vibrational shift must occur in us in order to attract and be able to receive a man who’s willing to walk the path of Truth.

2. We call him into his power and presence by revealing our hearts.

We need to get real. I understand why the wounded feminine has been driven to learn to manipulate the masculine over the course of history in order to get her needs met. However, as people are waking up, this old paradigm is crumbling.

As I rise, I want to support men to rise together. I therefore choose to own any of my subtle manipulation strategies, communicate if I ever feel “too much” or “not enough”, and ask for what I need.

We must start sharing truthfully what we fear, desire and need. Allowing ourselves to be truly seen is an art to be mastered—if we desire to create meaningful, wholesome and deeply fulfilling relationships.

What would Love do? Love would shatter our facades. Love would tell us: THE missing golden key to create and maintain soul-deep connection is to reveal our naked hearts.

Conscious relating is a journey of co-empowerment. We enable men to become our true Heroes by calling them into presence with our nurturing love. Not by performing and faking our orgasms—this way we only emasculate men and deprive them of an opportunity to step into their power.

It’s our divine task to enable men to rise into the kind of Heroes they were born to be.

My kind of Hero is committed to breaking free from the prison of societal conditioning. His inner radar to filter out the immature feminine is sharp. He has cultivated his presence and is able to hold the feminine in her totality. And the best news is that he’s sitting across the living room as I’m writing this.