With lockdown well underway, we are all beginning to feel the boredom.

The high hopes we had of learning something new or getting super fit and healthy have, for many of us, long since dissipated as we start to accept that days of the week are a thing of the past and toilet roll has become a sort of post-apocalyptic currency.

And for many lovers locked down together, what once felt like a chance to tick off every item on the bedroom bucket list is fast turning into a reoccurring nightmare. Stress levels rise, tempers flare, and fun between the sheets takes a back seat. But it is important to stay connected to your partner physically and emotionally during this difficult time.

What is Tantra? An extremely brief explanation…

For most people, Tantra is just a celebrity sex craze that lasts for hours and has something to do with yoga. But, Tantra has its roots in both Hindu and Buddhist traditions as a sacred meditation practice.

Despite popular western misconception, Tantra has little to do with sex directly. Like all yoga, Tantra focuses on the expansion of our intelligence and our connection with the universal consciousness. It is the realisation that by deepening our connection with the world around us, with every act, we have an opportunity for transformation in eating, drinking, working, and, of course, sex.

Tantric sex uses Tantric practices and techniques to build intimacy and deepen the connection between you and your partner, thus resulting in mind-blowing orgasms. With practice. Hopefully…

Tantric sex doesn’t focus on the “end goal” but on the journey. When we slow things down and focus our attention in the moment, we learn to connect to our partner on a deeper level.

Preparation…

Before making time to connect with your partner, put some distance between you and make time to be on your own. Read, practice yoga or exercises, meditate. Do something that helps you to relax and connect with yourself.

When you have both had time to be alone and de-stress, set aside some time to reconnect with your partner. Make an effort. Put on some soft music, light some scented candles, and fetch the massage oil.

1. Tantric breathing

Breathing is at the heart of Tantric sex. Just as in yoga, we take deep breaths through the nose that fill the belly, paying attention to every breath and how it feels in the body. Like any activity, often during sex, our mind starts to wander. Deep breathing helps us to focus and be present in the moment. During our Tantric journey, we learn to synchronise our breathing with our partner, and we become so in tune to each other, we are in the moment as one.

2. Eye contact

Sit to face your partner. Look deeply into each other’s eyes. Focus on them, appreciate them. Use your eyes to communicate the love and respect you feel for them. You can hold hands. Don’t let your mind wander.

Practice taking some deep Tantric breaths, be aware of the sensation it brings to your bodies. Now begin to synchronise your breathing with your partner. Take some time to feel comfortable with the deep eye contact and synchronised breathing.

3. Tantric massage

Tantric massage is another powerful component to Tantric sex, and can be the secret to multiple orgasms for all involved.

Try lying naked with your partner in the spooning position. Synchronise your breathing with your partner and focus on taking long, deep breaths. Begin to gently and slowly run your fingertips over their body. Experiment with different strokes and tickles. Vary speed and pressure. By taking the time to explore every inch of each other in such detail, you build anticipation and learn new ways to tease and arouse each other.

Tantric massage is intended to be a full body, intimate massage. For a more in-depth look at intimate Tantric massage techniques, take a look at Yoni massage for her, Lingam massage for him, and Tantric nipple play, or just explore what feels good together.

4. Tantric kissing

Kissing can be an incredibly intimate and arousing thing all on its own. As with everything in our tantric practice, when we kiss, we slow it right down. Experiment with kissing softly and then more passionately. Try alternating between the two.

Kiss your partner gently, all over their face and neck. Trace their jaw line and ear with the tip of your tongue. Experiment and explore together. Pay attention to what arouses your partner.

Take time to enjoy; don’t be tempted to rush through this important step. With practice, it is possible to reach orgasm from kissing alone.

5. Tantric penetration and positions

Much of our Tantric journey centres on exploring everything but the “main event.” But using Tantric practices and positions can prolong intercourse and take sex to exciting new heights.

The Yab-Yum position is a classic tantric position. It represents Shiva and Shakti, the masculine and feminine energies coming together in divine passion. Traditionally, the masculine energy is on the bottom. However, this position can be done either way. Try both and see what works for you.

Sit cross-legged and let your partner sit on your lap with their legs wrapped around you. The top has their arms around their partners shoulders and the bottom has their arms around the others waist. You can be forehead to forehead or cheek to cheek.

Begin to synchronise your breathing. Take things slow, focusing on your shared breathing, being completely in the moment. You can speed things up, or alternate. Explore each other in this intimate position.

There are many other Tantric positions to explore, but try to avoid positions that you know make you orgasm quickly; the key to Tantric intercourse is not to rush it. Pay attention to your partner’s movements, read their body, use massage and kissing techniques to intensify the experience.

6. The afterglow

The wonderful period of time post-orgasm—the intense feelings of satisfaction and relaxation. The afterglow is important not just when you explore Tantric sex, but with every intimate encounter with your partner. When the body is satisfied and no longer open to physical stimulation, the mind settles and we become more open to emotional connection.

Use this time to check in with your partner and thank each other for sharing such a beautiful expression of affection.

And finally…

Although Tantra is mostly known for slow, sensual sex, and I have used this here as a way to reconnect and relax together during lockdown, Tantric techniques can be used when exploring all kinds of sexual practices—even BDSM. And Tantric masturbation can be a great way to get comfortable with techniques before practising with a partner.

Tantric sex is all about sex positivity. Any feelings of shame or embarrassment melt away as we connect with ourselves and our partners.

We give ourselves permission to explore our sexual desires together in a safe space with no judgement.