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April 10, 2020

The truth about self esteem

A reflective introduction on my upcoming webinar on

“Finding congruence through chaos – An Essential Iso Survival kit for mums who are struggling to adapt to working or studying with their children at home.”

 

For the last couple of weeks, like everyone, I have been feeling the overwhelm of all that is happening in the world. It kind of snuck up on me as I originally laughed off the looming toilet paper apocalypse. This will all blow over next week and everyone is going to feel like gits at the ridiculousness of the whole thing. And then it didn’t blow over, and it isn’t going to in the short future. I wasn’t quite so prepared for that reality, like many others who had similar perspectives as me. It all started to sink in a little when I realised the threat of the livelihoods for the employees of the traditional business my partner and I have together. The reality hit that if work stops for us, then I do not know how I am going to sustain an income for my family, and for the 4 other families dependant on us for an income. Yikes!! Not so funny now! So my first call to responsibility was to begin self-isolating with my 4 children. It just made sense to me once I understood that the less it spreads, the less chance of being forced to close our doors as we are in the construction industry and considered essential workers.

Being at home with the kids, has been fuuucked, as I am sure every other mum would agree. All of my studies seemed to come to a halt, my work had to go on and had in fact increased as I dedicated a lot of time into managing personal and business finances (such a great time to be doing Brooke Hunt’s Money Mastermind workshop!!) so that I could have a series of strategies in place pending the potential outcomes we are facing. I made the decision to increase my devotions as I knew that I simply could not function and provide for the many lives that I feel responsible for without truly toning myself for that task, and even then I struggled with constant overwhelm. My kids, studies and home life got shoved on the back burner. I am grateful that my parents and partner were there for them (willingly or not they have always made themselves available when I cannot) and as a result of that, naturally, the chaos only continued to escalate. I got to a point of so much overwhelm that I was doing devotions almost all of the day – just to not be a raging psycho bitch.

Enough was enough and I decided that isolation is absolutely not going to work like this. We had no routine, the kids were miserable, I was all over the shop and there was no regulation to any of the work that I was desperately trying to complete. I pulled a halt on everything so that I could dedicate my time to reviewing the Hogwarts@home strategy I had created for my son last year as a response to him being suspended for the 3rd time that year. The kids had really enjoyed it and I had found some great success in implementing it with them as it enabled me to co-work with them really well. So I did the work to refine the strategy and produced some pretty cool visual aids to support it. Implementing it we immediately saw results and the chaos has been consistently calming every day since. Having had a week and a bit of the strategy in place I have been able to catch up on all of the things that had felt like massive weights on my shoulders since making the choice to take on the Iso Saga. This has also given me the time to actually reflect on the past couple of weeks which have been the thick of the storm for me.

What I can see now, is that the last few weeks have actually been exactly what I needed them to be. This really isn’t a new epiphany to me as I come to this conclusion every time I get out of a storm, but it truly is the fun part of getting to the other side, where I get to piece together all the things that I had thought were going to destroy me that actually end up being profoundly useful. Take for example the chaos with the kids being at home with me. A lot of my anguish is because I did not have time to work on the webinar that I need to do for my assignment. Initially I had this grand idea of teaching how to increase self esteem by uniting the Inner Mother and Maiden. I had spent a significant amount of time working on it prior to Iso life and was really enjoying the content, despite me realising I had created a far more in depth webinar than the 30 minutes that was required. Then when we began Iso, I just couldn’t pick up from where I had left. I was so overwhelmed and tired all the time it didn’t feel congruent and then the weight of feeling like I was falling behind further added even more to feeling incongruent. What is profound about that, is that there was actually a far deeper reasoning as to why I wasn’t ready to continue this content.

Today after speaking with one of my sisters about life in Iso, she expressed with me some deep and harsh truths of what she has been experiencing with her kids at home, and I realised how isolating this pandemic truly is, especially for mothers. I really honour her for being so honest about what she has been experiencing because fuck me was I feeling the exact same thing before implementing the strategies I did. I offered to send her the visuals and charts I had created and as I was putting together an email for her I was like “damn this would actually make a pretty sweet webinar”. Just like that I knew exactly why I hadn’t been able to get any further with the draft I had started weeks before and just like that the overwhelm seemed to shift. I shipped the kids off to be with their dad for the day and I finalised the script for my webinar within a couple of hours. Thankfully I have spent the last 2 weeks preparing for it with the visuals and practical experience to back it up as highly valuable content that is far more required in this moment of time. All that time that I was feeling bombarded by the chaos, yet I was missing the point entirely.

So now for the driving point of the truth about self-esteem. Teaching radical acceptance and embodied self-esteem through creative expression is part of my mission in this world. This is ever evolving for me, as is my definition in how I relate to self-esteem. What has been driven home for me by this experience, was that I had somehow got swept up in the outward experience of self-esteem. Most of my content is a demonstration of embodied self-esteem, although the way that I had presented that was through my high energy and bubbly personality. It got driven home today, that high energy and bubbly personality really belong to the ego and are an external representation of the self. The truth about self esteem is the inner representation, which can ONLY be seen through the consistent striving to be congruent. Congruence as Ricci-Jane Adams, Principle of the Institute of Intuitive Intelligence where I am currently studying, describes it is as the act of walking the talk, and in alignment of one’s beliefs. For me, where I was getting it wrong is that I thought self esteem had to look a certain way. In reality though, even with the consistent devotions, and even the increased devotions, I wasn’t meeting the perception of “high energy and bubbly” that I thought self esteem was. In fact, I was quite the opposite being a low energy cranky hag most of the time, even with the consistent and increased devotions! I’ll say it again, the truth about self esteem is the devotion to being congruent with ones beliefs, regardless of how that looks on the outside!

So here I am, having completed a pretty incredible amount of content these last few weeks, whilst bringing congruence to my chaos, presenting to you my findings and reflections of the whole process and pre launching my upcoming webinar that will teach you how to find congruence during your own chaos! I am far from feeling high energy and bubbly, but fuck me is my self esteem soaring more than ever. Finding congruence through the chaos is absolutely one of my super powers. And what a privilege it is to be of service in this way!

With all of my love, the crazy quirky Kiki xx

 

You can register for my FREE WEBINAR by clicking the link BELOW!

https://mailchi.mp/3e05bbf64392/freewebinarfindingcongruencethroughchaos

 

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