Blowjobs for good! Now I know that I have your attention. This title has actually been rolling around in the upstairs attic for a while now, and it is time to shoot my wad so to speak. A few years back my boyfriend and I were watching a movie, and the main character uses sex to manipulate the opposite sex. In a particular scene she forced a blow job on a gentleman, he resisted at first but pretty quickly he gave in.- I know it’s shocking. My response was truly horrified at first, “blow jobs for good” I said, and then we started laughing hysterically. It sounds ridiculous but its true, sex should never be used to control or exploit another person.

Sex between two people who are in a committed relationship can be a wonderful, and I’d argue necessary part of the partnership. I was married for 28 years, and you could always tell when our relationship was headed into trouble, no sex. If the marriage was good, the sex was good.

A satisfying sex life is an important part of your connection. It almost has a battery effect when you share this energy with another person in a loving, committed way. You transfer positive, loving energy between yourselves. Let’s be honest, it is what attracted you to that person in the first place.

If you’ve been in a long-term relationship, the lack of sex can be the problem that damages and sometimes destroys a relationship. When I got divorced, I spoke about missing sex with friends, and I couldn’t believe how many people I knew were NOT having sex in a committed partnership. It’s like a big secret, and people are miserable because of it.

Notice the next time you have an orgasm, notice how much better you feel, you are lighter, happier, life is good, hopefully really good. In order to achieve an orgasm you have to tap into the root chakra, muladhara. We have these energy wheels (chakra means wheel) along the spine, it is said that this is where “matter and consciousness meet on the energetic layer of the body.” Wearing red and eating red foods can help maintain balance in our root chakra. If you are not balanced in the root chakra you feel insecure, fearful, anxious, out of sorts so to speak. The root chakra is at the base of the spine, it’s your foundation and includes the tailbone, bladder, colon, adrenal glands, helps maintain our sense of security, and taps into our basic needs for survival.

After being in a long-term relationship, sex gets sacrificied. Whatever the reason sex falls off, I don’t know why, maybe they are too busy raising kids, too tired from careers, the list can go on and on. But lets consider that sex is a basic need, and I was told this years ago by my best friends mom, Rose-God rest her soul. In high school, she sat me and my friend Carol down and said girls.. “You gotta know how to cook in the kitchen and in the bedroom.” Of course we laughed and giggled, we had no idea how profound her sentiment was. Incidentally my boyfriend wants to create a shrine to Rose but that’s another story for another day.

If you value your relationship, value your sex life. Food is a basic need. You probably plan your meals, you may even make time to reference recipes, buy groceries, and cook. I’m suggesting putting the same hard work into your sex life. Now this does take effort, time to plan, try a new

recipe, great creative, role play, buy a playful piece of lingerie, and make it fun again. I know, you are busy, but just realize that this primal desire deserves attention.

Then notice how you and they feel afterwards, the connection is there again, and both people will have their battery charged up. You’ll also be more relaxed, because sex is a natural stress reliever. We are meant to have a partner to deal with the ups and downs, (just realized the pun, so I’m going with it… insert laughter) and that includes and requires bedroom time. Hope this little nudge helps, who knows maybe there will be a shrine for me someday.