She couldn’t take it anymore. The world was weighing on her shoulders too heavy and she could feel that she was on the brink of a breakdown. She had been working so hard and no matter what she did she could not seem to make a break. Since the collapse of the economy and having her children at home she was feeling the pressure of having to create an income for them to be able to survive. It seemed that all of her attempts at making money for them had fallen short and she was feeling desperately alone. Today was not the day she was going to figure it out though. Today she wanted to escape the torment she was feeling over trying to keep her family afloat, so she decided to take her children to her mothers house so that she could go down to the water.
She felt relief as soon as she sat on the edge of the water. She was grateful that nobody else was there as she was able to feel all of the emotions she had been holding at bay. She felt as if she would combust if she pushed them away any longer. She heaved and sobbed as it all spilled out of her. Her desperation at not being able to make any of her ideas work. The shame of not being seen in any of her attempts to put her ideas out there. The guilt of not being able to provide for her family without external help. The disappointment in herself for not having what it takes to give herself and her children the life she believes they are worthy of. The anger at feeling powerless to her circumstances and incapable of changing it no matter how hard she tries. The emotions expelled from her in waves and when she felt like she had nothing left to give she took off her clothes and started making her way into the water. The soft, cool touch of the water on her skin sent shivers through her body as she adjusted to the change in temperature. Now feeling completely empty she noticed the different sensations activating all over her body as she continued further into the water until she could no longer reach the bottom and had to begin to swim. She dived under for the first time fully submerged beneath the water and screamed with all her might, which was silenced by the body of water that had surrounded her. She breached the surface of the water with a gasp of fresh air and pushed the hair back from her face, wiping the water from her eyes and allowed her deepened breath to fill her lungs as she flattened on top of the water. As she float effortlessly on the water she soaked in the peace of the emptiness she now felt, with only the gentle sounds of the water frolicking softly around her. She noticed the fatigue that had come over her whole being. It seemed as though the effort to hold in all of her cares and worries was now catching up on her after she finally let it be free. Her legs began to feel heavy, followed by her stomach, chest and arms. So much so that she was now struggling to stay afloat in the water, her body becoming heavier and heavier. She looked up at the heavens above her as panic began to set in. Looking around at the empty beach she panicked even more when she could not kick her legs. Her head began dropping beneath the surface and she tried with all of her might to keep coming up for air. She took one last deep gulp of air before being submerged once again. She looked up through the rippled water to the sky above and silently begged for God to save her. She has never been spiritual but in this moment she was sure she was going to die and she figured it was the only chance she’s got left. In an instant she heard of voice speak back to her that said “let go of the known.” She froze to the spot for a moment, no longer scrambling to breach the surface. She looked around for the voice and in an instant she heard it again “let go of the known”. Her heart was beginning to quicken now, her lungs beginning to ache. She was frozen to the spot beneath the surface of the water, getting no closer to the air but sinking no deeper. “Let go of the known” came the voice again. The pain in her chest was unbearable now, she was not going to be able to hold her breath in much longer. Her own voice was screaming through her whole being, “Please God, save me!” Instantly the voice responded to her, “let go of the known.” Still not understanding but having a sense to just let go, she let go. She stilled her whole body and gently let go of the breath she was holding in, lifting her eyes to the heavens through the ripples of the water. Very gently she breathed in. She breathed in, whilst still beneath the water. This took her a moment to recognize, that she was breathing under the water. With shocked curiosity, she looked around her beneath the water. She touched her face, her chest, her stomach. She was breathing under the water! She moved her hands further down her body, but where her legs were, they were no longer. She looked down and instead of legs she saw the most magnificent tail, with pearl scales and silky fins. She inspected her body closer again to see the iridescence reflecting off of her. She asked in her mind “God am I dead?” In an instant she heard the reply “You let go of the known.”