I feel scattered, body, mind, and spirit. I look beyond what the epidemic, the rioting, the political discourse and challenges, being in a relationship with an undercurrent of world stress and fear bring.

My mind feels fragmented, my body not as inspired as it was a month ago to take a five mile walk, connect with my garden, do my yoga practice. It takes extra caffeine, longer breath work to begin my day. It’s time to dig, come to the cause that has affected, almost crippled me.

It appears to be depression, the need to change routine, more social stimulation. That might be part of it, but there’s something causing the mind scatter, the body swelling, lack of motivation. I have been doing something to create this uncomfortable, free falling haze.

i love to cook, washing, chopping have been a form of therapy for me dating back to owning a restaurant in the eighties and nineties. I have been cooking more than my usual food. Comfort food is in the eyes and mouth of the consumer. For me, it’s enjoying some cheese, splurging on pizza, and having a nice cold, dark Porter beer.

As wonderful as the tase of spicy, warm bread and cheese followed by a yummy cookie soothe my taste buds and mind, they wreak havoc with my body and it revolts. The occasional bread, cheese and sugar have crept back into my life with a vengeance. It has become almost a daily occurrence, I can’t remember what my life was like before bread or what it feels like not to wake up spaced out from a food hangover .

A close friend, and an accomplished acupuncturist, Nancy Burton Lac and I have similar views on food; too much sugar, bread, and dairy creates brain fog, inflammation and exhaustion to name just a few. I am attaching an article Nancy wrote for a local paper in Ashland, Oregon on food as the best medicine:

I know better, but darn it, it tasted so good going down! It’s been about four days since Ive allowed myself toast for breakfast, a sandwich for lunch or a chunk of warm homemade bread with butter… in fact I think I’m done baking bread for awhile, even if it’s gluten free, sorry hon!

What I’ve noticed already, my caffeine need has dropped, my body feels less bloated, I’ve begun taking walks, I’m outside visiting my garden and I’m writing, which is huge. Do I still crave the dough, cheese, sugar and dark beer? You bet, but I love waking up feeling more clear headed, ready to greet the day with looser fitting clothes.

So I ask you, as I asked myself is comfort food really comforting, or is it creating the comfort food blues?