“… but that’s your mom. You only get one!”

These are the words hurriedly hurled at anyone who even thinks about expressing frustration with their mother. Somehow however, the thought is seldom echoed when we talk about dad.

We have established a construct for mothers as paragons of goodness who must be protected at all costs; what I call the “mom model.” By not challenging the (very unrealistic) model, we leave little space to honor fathers. Not to mention, life is not a Hallmark movie! Mom isn’t always faultless…and dad definitely deserves more love.

The programming of “mom” being perfect assumes she is the proverbial mom. True, the word itself usually musters up warm feelings of: caring phone calls, freshly baked cookies, kind smiles, and tight holiday hugs. Ahhhhh! I have the feels just thinking about “mom.” But placing mom on this pedestal has a huge downfall. I recently discovered the concept of toxic positivity in an article where a mother faced the impossibilities of living up to the “mom model.” In her attempt to be spotless, it was dad who ended up being the bad guy…every time.

If we think on it, we’ll notice that the “mom model” unintentionally discredits and demonizes men. There are hard-working, upright fathers who desperately love their kids. Yet culturally, we seem to forget that they are the other, equally important, member needed to make a child. Be honest- we’d sooner drag our dads’ name through the dirt after a nasty disagreement than ever say anything bad about “mom” – and our friends would probably let us! That is the danger of the model we’ve sculpted.

In elementary school, I remember painting a glass jar bright blue and adorning the lid with a floral ribbon. Attached to it was a sweet poem which ended with a rhyme about never opening the jar in fear of letting all the love escape. The class gave these to our moms for Mother’s Day. Awwww. Several weeks later, we made presents for Father’s Day….We hot glued screws to a rock.

A ROCK!!!

For Father’s Day, my dad got a rock.

Mom and dad are not valued the same.

I always scoff at aspiring talent on reality TV when they invariably state “I’m doing this all for my mom.” Although dad drove 44 hours to make the audition happen, he sits off camera, ignored like a salad bar at a burger bash. It’s as though life hinges around mom. Dad’s contributions are to be valued and we have to remember that his life and legacy are equally significant.

It’s also important to point out that men are not untouched by depression and loneliness. You may assume that fathers – traditionally emotionless and non-communicative – are unaffected by the lack of acclaim they receive, but imagine carrying the weight of century’s long tradition with little more than an annual pair of socks as reward. And worst, there’s no one to share the thoughts with.

This Father’s Day, let’s do better!

We have been conditioned to see moms as superheroes and dads as superhuman. The only problem is that the former is ceaselessly exalted while the latter is consistently embattled. If we can learn to love mom uniquely and not according to the global archetype, we will realize that both mom and dad are pretty awesome.

Happy Father’s Day!