With everything canceled, Mama, it’s okay to grieve the lost experiences.

Today, I cleared the canceled events from my calendar. All the events and shows that my children won’t get to participate in this summer, and the ones that didn’t happen these past few months.

It’s okay to grieve the family time, even though we just spent months together, because honestly, as much as we did in that time, as much time as we spent in each other’s company, it was not the same.

It was not the same as spending time at their games and watching them do something they love. It was not the same as watching them practice and work on their projects for the fair and get to show them off to the judges.

It was not the same because we spent this time nursing their mental health—and our own. They missed their friends and we missed their happy selves.

It was not the same because we held our children while they cried, because school was not the same, class was not the same, and they missed their teachers.

It was not the same because we, ourselves, battled with the “why” of everything. So while we have many pictures from walks and hikes and family time together, they don’t show the moments in between.

Today, I removed all the moments that could have been from my calendar. Those moments weren’t about missing out on ribbons won or championships earned. They were about watching our children’s faces as they lit up.

Today, I mourned for all those moments lost. Because, Mama, it’s okay to grieve these lost experiences.

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