I never expected to be doing this.

Standing on the edge of a highway, with a bucket of gasoline in my hand, watching my phone go up in flames.

I mean, it always felt that way to my eyes, my brain, my sense of independence, as I sat stuck on Twitter trying to boost my fleeting business reputation.

All that, gone up in flames.

Good riddance.

I give it a slight kick before leaving it in the dust. At my front door, are the keys to my apartment, with a note attached,

“Gone somewhere. She’s yours.”

I’d like to leave all extremities covered. I want to truly disappear, be free of whatever it was I called this.

I close the door.

Hearing the engine roar to life, I get back on the road and push down further, as my thoughts move further away, eyes on the road, but only the road.

It’s strange, it always feels like the less you focus, the more lost you become in your thoughts.

Entering a bustling city, filled with your memories, interests, fears.

A personal playground for your desires.

The only place you feel truly connected, at peace with yourself, as in essence,

You’re living yourself.

Right now, it feels as though my standard mini cooper is a vintage corvette, driving down the highway, with the wind in my hair and but a care in the world.

It’s a crazy feeling, reimagining your monotony, to suit your falsified freedom.

I know that, no matter how far I drive, I’ll always have something bringing me back, obligations that allow me to live a life sufficient to my needs.

I push harder on the gas.

There’s no other cars in site, as the yellow lines and occasional stop signs converge into a metaphorical bridgeway.

A gap between different segments, chapters of a person’s life.

I hope the pages will be turning soon.

As I drive into the unknown. I don’t have a map, no more phone, pager, anything. All I have is my wits, my car, and 200 bucks.

I couldn’t be happier.

Behind me, I don’t leave much, not that there was much to leave.

A boring office job, faked conversations with co-workers,

Pleasant smiles, laughs, all for the sake of routine.

Routine.

What a terrible word.

Confined to a regimen, the same thing every day, no changes, variations, nothing.

It was something I was so accustomed to.

I think back and wonder why.

It’s a crazy thing,

Realizing how deadly stability can be.

Balance is essential,

But too much just makes things neutral,

And when your neutral,

Your neither right nor wrong.

You have no opinion.

No say,

No expression.

It feels like it’s getting late, with a colder breeze and a setting sun, I decide to pull over for the night. In a nearby dessert, I set up my car and just relax. Let the night pass, and the morning take over.

I have no clue how what I’m saying is coming off, but that’s not what’s important, sitting atop the hood, looking up at the stars and thinking about it all.

We all seem so small when we look at the bigger picture, knowing that there are billions of galaxies existing immeasurable distances away from us.

But according to most, I can’t focus on that.

Apparently, I’ve got bigger fish to fry.

I’m happy with my catch for now.

Leaning the seat down, I pull over for the night, not knowing what tomorrow holds.

Sweet, indecipherable uncertainty.

God bless every bit of it.