I was the textbook definition of a serial dater.

I had nearly every dating app on my phone at some point or another, and if I didn’t, it would eventually make its way in when my frustrations with life and singledom mounted high enough.

My free time was occupied by going on dates and trying to meet “the one.” But “the one” wasn’t showing up. Instead, I was getting the guys that lied about their height, their marital status, their intentions, the list runs the gamut. I was attracting everyone but the one.

Years of doing this, intermingled with extended periods of dating sabbaticals, had me feeling hopeless, to say the least. I wanted to be in love so badly, but I just wasn’t seeing it materialize in my own life. I figured maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.

I blamed the place I lived in for not having quality men. I blamed my generation for being more interested in a “hook-up culture” over a meaningful connection. I blamed online dating. Truth be told, I could have probably been anywhere in the world, 30 years older, offline and still had the same experience.

The issue—which I was completely blind to—was me.

That’s not to say that these guys weren’t looking for a casual fling, but the common denominator was that I was attracting them into my space. That is until I shifted one key driver in my dating attitude that made all the difference.

Instead of approaching a potential partnership with a “What’s in it for me?” I started focusing on what it was I could contribute to another person.

When we approach any relationship with the mindset of “What’s in it for me?” we’re going to be doomed from the beginning. Why? Because like attracts like, and that’s precisely the type of person who’s going to show up in your space—someone only interested in what’s in it for them.

A belief system rooted in lack will always beget lack. Think about that for a second.

When we’re hyper-focused on having a lack of money, does that create opportunities for abundance? No, because all we’re paying attention to is the money that’s not there. The same thing goes for anything in life—love included.

By seeing myself as whole, complete, and lacking nothing (not even a partner), I was able to step outside of myself and refocus on providing value to someone else, which energetically resulted in attracting just the kind of person I wanted in my life.

Here are three things we can do that will raise our vibration and bring us closer to our lover when we’re sick of being single:

Get busy giving back.

I truly believe that the ultimate fulfillment in life is to be of service to other people. Explore different organizations in your community (or far away if you like to travel) where you can put your gifts to use. I promise you, the feeling of contributing to someone else is far better than sitting at home on a Friday night feeling sorry for yourself.

Visualize all the good feelings of being with your ideal lover.

Visualization is a superpower that people often forget they have. Your thoughts are the framework for your life because they inspire your actions. When you experience good feeling emotions, you’re more likely to take action in alignment with your goals, dreams, and desires. Practice generating the feelings of what it’s like being with your lover.

>> What adventures will you have?
>> What projects will you tackle together?
>> Which places will you explore?

Whatever thoughts get you to feel good in anticipation before your partner arrives will accelerate the momentum of them manifesting into your life.

When life gets you down, practice gratitude.

I know it’s been written in every New-Agey, self-help article, but gratitude really is the secret sauce. No matter how bad you think you have it, there’s someone out there who has it worse and wishes they were in your position. If it takes making a list of all the blessings in your life, do it. If it takes talking to a friend to put things into perspective, reach out to them. Whatever you choose to do, always come back to gratitude.

So there you have it. These three things helped me to get outside of myself and attract the kind of lover I desired. What worked for you?