I’ve always been interested in how people “end up” in abusive relationships. Does the verbal abuse or physical abuse just snowball, or does it just happen one day? I think the answer is both, it varies from couple to couple. Some people are very good at hiding their abusive traits, until one day it explodes. However, others drop hints from the very beginning. 

One of my favorite movies growing up was Enough, featuring Jennifer Lopez. She started off as a meek, docile woman in an abusive relationship with a powerful man, and developed into a badass who eventually, had enough. But to be clear, domestic violence can take place against men in heterosexual relationships and between people in homosexual relationships. Anyone can be a victim regardless of gender, sexuality, age, or ethnic background. That’s the scary part, it can happen to any of us. According to the National Domestic Awareness Hotline, 1 in 4 women (24.3%) and 1 in 7 men (13.8%) aged 18 and older in the United States have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

Furthermore, prolonged domestic abuse can lead to serious injury and even death. Entire true crime shows are based on these types of cases such as Oxygen’s Snapped. While other shows such as Dateline NBC, 48 Hours, and Forensic Files heavily feature domestic violence crimes, In fact, in 38.52% of Dateline cases, the suspect is the victim’s spouse or significant other. In 7.04% of cases, the suspect is the victim’s ex. 

It’s so important to pay close attention to abusive traits. Although this can be hard in the “honeymoon phase”, keep your eyes open to red flags. Even if the signs are subtle in the beginning, there are still a few things people can look out for and ask themselves.

5 Warning Signs That You Are in an Abusive Relationship

Your partner is a bully.

Ask yourself, does your partner attempt to bully, threaten, or control your words and actions? This can be displayed through actions such as criticizing you, telling you how to look, and attempting to demean you by yelling. 

Your partner isolates you. 

Have you noticed that your partner is keeping you from people that you love? Do you see or talk to your family and friends less? Does your partner keep tabs on who you see and for how long? This is by design. If your partner can keep you from support, you’ll be fully dependent on them. Meaning they can get away with abuse easier because there is no one around to stop it.

Your partner physically abuses you. 

Does your partner bite, kick, pull hair, slap, or punch you? Even if they’re “playing”, if you ask them to stop and they don’t, that can be considered abuse. Other forms of physical abuse include not allowing you to eat, sleep, or get medical treatment. Oh yeah, if your partner abandons you on the side of a road after an argument or disagreement, that’s also physical abuse. 

Your partner sexually abuses you. 

This one is obvious if your partner force you to have sex against your will. However, there are other subtle signs such as refusing to wear a condom, attempting to affect you with an STD, or making you dress in a sexual way.

Are you making excuses? 

This last sign forces you to look at your actions, instead of your partners. Are you constantly making excuses for their words and actions? Denial is a huge red flag on your part as a potential victim. If a couple or multiple people close to you are pointing out the signs, and you refuse to see it, you may be in denial. 

Finally, reported domestic violence cases have been rising since the Coronavirus caused society to enter quarantine. Many people are being forced to shelter in place with abusers. If you or someone you know is suffering from domestic violence please call 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224.