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As part of my writing exercises, I usually write a letter to an imaginary muse.
This week, my muse was quarantined. Yikes! So the letters were short and mostly wondered about what they are doing—how I dream they are doing. Dreams are great as long as we remember that we honestly don’t know the subject we imagine.
I ended up surprising myself; I wrote a letter to myself as well. Everything I was hoping or wishing for the muse, I turned immediately back, looking into why I feel that way. The letter to myself turned out much longer than the one to the muse.
I didn’t know how badly I needed to hear my voice, a soft, familiar understanding voice that wasn’t correcting me or battering me over decisions—a friend who truly loves me.
Dear Anna,
It’s okay to want a change. It’s perfectly okay to remove yourself from a toxic relationship or work environment whenever you feel like that is going on.
I forgive you for losing focus. These times are crazy, and there are more obstacles than normal.
One day it will all be clear. Remember, you can’t make decisions for others, only suggest options to them. Not every one of your friends will think of you before they say or do something, and they are entitled to only think of themselves (as you should more often). Everyone has their way of protecting themselves, and they should never be judged for it, as you should not judge yourself based on reactions.
Once you move forward, it’s okay to look back and miss it. Just remember the spark that fueled the change, always respect that about yourself, and never discount your reasons. You don’t owe anybody anything—no explanations; nothing.
Your time is your energy. But hold fast to your decisions and their consequences. Even when you wish you hadn’t done or said something, respect your choice and learn your lesson. You made that choice for a reason, whether you want to accept the reason or not. You chased that action for a reason; don’t deny that.
Trust who you are! Even when you feel like it’s all over and all lost. Try to see the situation as a new beginning. Don’t be afraid of the bumps in the road. There is always construction somewhere, and if not, there is probably some scheduled.
Sometimes, you will have to wait for the tide to come in, just wait on those waves—enjoy the view in the meantime. Welcome new experiences; stop dreaming the best things happen at work, don’t let that be the background of your dreams and fantasies. Find that cave you dream of—get in that boat and go!
Stop putting your happiness in the hands of others. It’s not their responsibility; it’s yours!
And I hope you never find yourself staying for the wrong reasons, because one day those reasons will be gone (or quarantined) and all you will have is yourself. “The perfect blue building” is only perfect because you think it is; most people don’t call it that. What you thought was your playground is but suddenly your workplace. Change that; live outside this building for once.
Please decide if it’s worth it before it’s too late and you’re unhappy—alone in that dream place.
When you take the dreaming and distractions out, you find out why you are really here; you renew your focus.
Love always, Anna
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