What makes sex the best?

Thinking about my previous experiences, I tried to explore my feelings and find out what would make sex with someone better or worse.

It’s crucial for me to connect with someone deeply.

It doesn’t mean I can’t have sex with someone on a first date or have a one-night stand with someone I’m not planning on dating, but it is much harder for people like me to find someone I click with, and feel emotional compatibility and significant trust.

When you’re like that, you can have beautiful sex on the beach on a warm summer night but it won’t make it the best. It might make it the most exciting sex of your life, or the craziest, or most beautiful sex of your life, but it doesn’t make it the best—the way sex on a kitchen floor on a cold winter night with someone you love deeply and connect with intimately would.

Considering that, the best sex of my life was and always will be with someone I love, no matter how many unexpected, beautiful, and exciting sexual experiences I’ve had or will have.

My friend, who knew my ex happened to be my first love, recently said, “I remember looking at you two together. I could just see it in your eyes, how much you both were in love. How no one in the room really mattered for you when you looked at or touched him. I don’t think I’ve ever had sex with someone I loved that much. I wish I could really experience that. Must be completely different.”

She wasn’t wrong.

Your first love is sometimes the strongest love you will ever experience.

You might love someone as passionately again sometime in your life, if you’re lucky enough, but sometimes nothing can really compare to that first love—when you can’t control how much feeling you give away and accept, when you’re so inexperienced you trust your gut and dive into your emotions, giving pretty much all of yourself to that person.

During my first love, I had never experienced such strong emotions in my life, and haven’t since. It definitely made sex more special. I can’t say there was a specific sexual moment or encounter, because just the whole concept of us having sex was already the best.

My connection with someone I was close to and in love with was what made it the best.

The over-the-top connection that can’t be compared to anything else; when you feel like you’re merging into one another; when you feel the person inside you; when it’s only you and that person and you connect so deeply you feel like you’ve become one whole piece.

It’s magic, because you’re so far away from the whole world and nothing else matters.

When you’re sharing those intimate moments with each other there’s nothing better. You just want to look in their eyes and memorize that moment, trying to prolong it and greedily capture every second of it in your mind.

Call me a romantic, but the best sex of my life is simply sex with someone I strongly love.

Maybe someday I will love someone as strong as that again, and maybe they will love me the same way. Maybe then, the next best sex of my life will happen. But for now, I will just enjoy the most exciting, adventurous, unexpected sex of my life while cherishing the memories of the best I once had.

I will remember the touch, the emotions I had at that moment, their eyes, the chemistry we developed—that is what made it truly the best.

You might remember having amazing sex somewhere or with someone who made you feel good and excited, but the excitement might fade away, and the sensations and feelings might decay, but the sex with someone you loved or love will never really leave the deepest chambers of your heart.

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