During my casual strolls through social media, seeking substance and posts with meaning, I can’t help but notice how many solicitations there are for getting a man to love you.

“If you want him, you need to do these three things.”

“Take this course and you can end your toxic relationship.”

“Be the woman he can’t resist.”

And though the scales are not balanced, I’ve also seen—in way fewer numbers—solicitations geared toward men, luring the male in to learn the top 20 things that women want.

Hold it right there.

Which women? Who are they? Where are they from? What was the criteria for the survey? And why didn’t anyone ask me?

Take it from a woman who has frequently sided with the man when it comes to the great toilet seat debate. Because I know myself to be a fair person and I do take into consideration all sides of any topic. Who made women the be-all and end-all of toilet seat decisions? Wouldn’t it be considerate of everyone to just close the entire lid versus any up or down? Debate over. We all win. 

So why is it when it comes to searching out a romantic partner we need to consult tips and tricks infographics on what to do and what not to do?

To me, that’s putting on a costume and taking the stage—unless it is genuinely what you believe in, how you carry yourself in daily life, and who you truly are. I think—opinion and not researched, full disclaimer—that the number one reason relationships fail over time is because people aren’t who they pretend to be at the start and when the real person shows up, the charade is over.

Men are not from Mars. Women are not from Venus. Each of us is a unique human being with his and her own characteristics and personality traits—idiosyncrasies that Robin Williams so eloquently described in his “Good Will Hunting” role. And that’s what makes us special. That’s what makes us stand apart from the crowd. And that’s what makes us lovable—to the person who chooses to cherish our quirks and tolerates our whims.

I’m the woman who doesn’t ask for directions. I’m the woman who won’t ask you if I look fat in a dress because chances are, I already know that answer. And I’m the woman who doesn’t want BS. See me. Listen to me. Be with me—as flawed and eccentric as I can be.

If we really want to find a partner with whom we can be content and grow old with, then why not try being who we are? Why not throw away the cheap tips and deceitful tricks and try a genuine getting to know each other?

Life is certainly complicated enough. But love and friendship don’t have to be.

Let your light shine through, and if that doesn’t brighten the life of the one you’re after, recharge the batteries and never settle for anyone who tries to darken that spirit. Be authentic.

As the saying goes, don’t be that one in a million—be that once in a lifetime.

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