Sometimes, I feel hopeless.

I feel as if the world is moving too fast.

I miss the days when all I needed to worry about was what clothes I was going to wear on non-uniform day, or the cake I would make in food technology.

Nowadays, we wake up worrying. Worrying about if we will afford rent this month, if the person we just met is a good match, if we have spoken to our parents enough. We are billions of people with one common goal: to be happy.

What is happiness though? Is it buying the latest iPhone? Having over a thousand followers on Instagram? I’m not sure anymore. I feel happy when I see my family and my friends, when I’m laughing over a pint of lager. 

I am just like any other person in this world—I wake up and check my phone. I read messages, look at my notifications, and ultimately go through a mental process of feeling like I’m not enough. Not pretty enough, not toned enough, not exciting enough. Wow. Social media sounds great doesn’t it? Yet, each day, at almost the exact moment I open my eyes, I grab my phone. I’m starting to think we are the doomed generation, destined to be insecure, jealous, and needy. 

I would consider myself an optimist most of the time, but recently I’ve been running on empty. Life seems to be progressively feeling like running on a treadmill when I should be running in a field. COVID-19 gave us all a lot to think about, from our families to our jobs and anything in between. It made me realise I don’t care about my followers, my social presence, or the life I am trying to portray on my Instagram. I have spent so much time wishing I had the lives of people on my feed. Wanting more money, more clothes, more shoes, more flights booked, more friends, and the list goes on. 

We all want each other’s approval, but for some reason we never stop to wonder if we are happy ourselves. We book tables at restaurants only to sit down with our phones, looking at what other people are doing and wishing we were doing that too. We sit on the ‘Tube with headphones on, books in our hands, and phones in our pockets—anything to avoid human connection. 

Relationships are formed on social media, dating apps, and through friends, but insecurities are formed in the exact same places. A like or a comment on the wrong person’s profile and trust is broken, relationships end, and we start all over again. Modern-day romance is fleeting—it slips through our fingers while we wish for the love our grandparents had.

I am writing this article on a day where the world feels heavy and my shoulders are tired but tomorrow the world may decide to be whole again. Who knows?

Even on days like today where life seems hopeless and like an endless treadmill, I know tomorrow will be better. That is what keeps me going in uncertain times. The sun always rises regardless of the night before, and that is good enough for me.

I also like to seek comfort in the things that make me feel human.

For me these include:

>> Smiling at strangers

>> Being kind to others

>> Enjoying food alone or with company

>> Laughing about everything and anything

>> Being creative

>> Making new connections

>> Spending time in nature 

Oh…and if you have any children in your life, they are the most human of us all. Any time spent with them will bring you back into your body, I promise.