Here is an interesting story. My heart was broken by two people who share the same birth date on the same year. What a coincidence, right?

One on the summer and the other on the colder months. They even share some similar characteristics but not personality and they are both addicted to the same game. I was amazed by the coincidence that I even questioned my self, how can I became so enamored to these people who never met each other but share mutual similarities on the same fucking year? I guess Fate was so bored that it set up a really cruel game on me by falling in love on two people with the same birth date on the same year. Nice one, Fate. You asshole!

Unless they are both part of a conspiracy to mess with my head by some jerk out there who has a secret grudge on me but no, it was an intricate coincidence that happens to be a perplexing one.

I remember that twist scene at the end of 500 Days of Summer where Tom Hansen after moving on from Summer met Autumn in a sheer serendipity. I was like Tom, the only difference was that Autumn broke my heart too so mine should’ve been entitled as 1000 Days of Summer and Autumn.

They are both kind-natured and really quiet people but the summer one was the passive one with a chill vibes and an deep maturity at a young age. The autumn one was more of a rugged athletic person with a penchant for thrill and adventure.

So what the hell went wrong? The problem was me. I became so obsessed by the idea of love that I glorified these two like heroes and never treated them like an ordinary human with flaws and all. I guess I was looking for love in all the wrong places but keep on telling myself that I’ve grown. I became so smitten from one person to the next and it went for a decade. It was a self-defeating cycle, a pattern that I kept on denying because I kept on justifying both the pleasure and the pain of falling in love.

This year was a wake-up call. I knew then that the madness must stop so like every rehabilitation from a bad habit I started by recognizing what’s wrong and slowly started to do some small changes. A baby step. A new beginning. A turning of a new leaf. Most of our wounds are self-inflicted that’s why we need to master the rare art of healing ourselves. That’s why I decided to post this online confession as a cautionary tale to not let others make you love your self less.

So what I have learned from this ten-year battle? Love is not a transaction, it is transcendence. It transcends beyond the mere concept of give and take.