My resistance is a prison of thick, impenetrable iron walls. Even if by some miracle I manage to push myself beyond the walls, it’s as if I’m wearing platform boots of cast iron that weigh me down, slow my movement, and exhaust me more with every step. The rebel act to escape punishing me for days afterwards through intense physical exhaustion. My resistance is the Iron Lady.

The Iron Lady thinks she is keeping me safe! From what though? I’m not exactly sure. I’m going to try something new today and attempt a dialogue with her. Here goes…

Hello resistance, I’m going to call you Iron Lady, is that okay? I know we’ve been in each other’s lives for a very long time. But I’ve never really gotten to know you. We dwell side by side but I try to ignore you. Which is interesting because you often take control, and I just willingly give it to you, without knowing you at all. But you feel comfortable. Although I often wish I could break through your iron fist and DO something, I don’t really fight for too long because it causes quite a bit of mental anguish. It’s like trying to be in a fist fight using only my mind. I just get the shit beat out of me. So, I surrender to your control. 

But I find myself very frustrated right now. Because you are resisting something I know is good for me, something that will help me out a lot, something that I need. But somehow I can’t get through. You let down the barrier freely to allow me to eat almond biscotti dipped in chocolate and drink iced coffee with half and half. But what about a walk around the neighborhood? Or a quick yoga video on youtube? I freeze. My body won’t get up and move. My fingers won’t navigate to that tab and type the words. This is you, your iron walls and your iron fists, paralyzing me from the inside out.

The wall is solid and there’s no foreseeable way through, around, over, under or anything of the sort. So tell me about you, these walls. What are you all about? Where did you come from? What is your mission? I know I’m usually trying to vanquish you, conquer you, but today I just want to know more about you. I won’t try to force myself into something that you don’t want me to do. I’m just curious about your motives, where you stand and why you stand. 

Why is almond biscotti dipped in chocolate allowed and yoga is not? Is one more dangerous than the other? Does it have to do with pain? I feel really clueless here, I can’t seem to wrap my head around it and this is weird for me because I’m usually pretty perceptive, sharp and studious. 

I know you don’t want to talk to me. I see you standing there, tall and large, strong and solid, with your arms crossed, your nose turned up, eyes gazing into the distance, head turned away from me, the perfect depiction of the cold shoulder. I understand, I am a threat to you and what you’re trying to do. 

And even though I am here bowed down, sobbing and desperate, somehow the Iron Lady, the resistance, feels I am safe. She doesn’t like to see me sad but this is much better, much safer than what lies for me outsides those walls. Must be something pretty dangerous. Something life-threatening. 

Maybe sometime soon you can let me know what you’re afraid of. Until then, I will sit here with you. We can just breathe together, share this space. I don’t know what you’re protecting me from but thank you. I appreciate you loving and caring about me so much to protect me in this way. You are an amazing protector.

Well anyway, I just wanted to introduce myself and let you know I’m curious to get to know you more. I won’t try to vanquish you today. I see you. I respect you. I think you are beautiful and majestic. Thanks for your time. I’ll be back again soon.