I will not go into my personal life too much, because who knows when my mother will get ahold of this article, but through the experience of 20 year of marriage, there are a few things to keep your marriage together.

The first is by making sure your husbands’ libido is taken care of. (Read my other article).  The second is by staying in the ‘Orange Zone’. The third is getting past resentment and onto appreciation (Read my article that is coming out in October).

In this article, we will focus on the “Orange Zone”.

What is the Orange Zone? It’s the zone between the Green Zone and the Red Zone. And it’s really easy to see once you start to live in zones.

The ‘Green Zone” – Most of us live in the Green Zone on a daily basis. We go to the grocery store, the bookstore, to work, to the gym and we smile at people and we focus on why we are there. It’s the Green Zone. It’s the zone you live in when you’re not with your significant other. It’s where you hope your partner is living in when they’re not with you.

The Orange Zone – Now this is a very exciting zone to be in. It’s the zone, when you’re at the gym and you keep grabbing a bike next to a sexy sweaty guy and you start to chat it up and over time, you get to know each other. It’s the zone where you are at work, and there’s a new attractive guy on your floor and you lock eyes and say hi to each other daily. It’s the zone where you are on a business trip and you are out to dinner and drink with clients. It’s the zone where your friends’ husbands and you hit it off more than you and your friend. This is the Orange Zone. It’s the place most of us actually live, where there’s some sexual tension between us and the opposite or same sex, and there’s nothing we can do about it. So, we just live in it with a smile and an attraction that we can’t do anything about. It’s the green zone, but because of repetition a repeating of the same behavior we have become accustom to certain individuals in our reality that we cannot do anything about. And being a human, we are friendly, and we smile, and whether we like it or not, we have an attraction. This is the zone we have to pay specific attention to. We should try to stay in the Green Zone, but if we are forced to move into the Orange Zone, we need to stay in the Orange Zone, and in fact, try to move back into the Green Zone if possible. Because once in the Orange Zone, you can easily jump into the Red Zone.

The “Red Zone”: Uh-oh. This is the place where we’ve officially left the safety of the Orange Zone and are now in the zone of taking things a step to far. It’s literally the ‘drink’ with the co-worker after work once everyone else has gone home. It’s the ride home after drinks. It’s the extra drink your room on a business trip. It’s the ‘getting an innocent coffee’ after spin class. It’s the ‘let’s meet outside of this yoga class’. It’s knowing there’s a chance at more and acting on it.

You know when you’re in the Green Zone. (Most men are in the Green Zone 1-2 days after having sex with you). You know when you’re in the Orange Zone. It’s hard to avoid it. But when your slipping into the Orange Zone, there are things you can do to move back to the Green Zone. For instance, change your routine. Change the time, change the seat, change the location. Make sure you aren’t always cycling next to ‘sexy Dave’ in spin class. Move towards the Green. Most of us, because of insecurity’s love the idea that we are wanted. So, we push the risk to see how far we can go, to get confirmation that we are desired. This is a dangerous game. It’s always played in the orange zone, and usually leads to the red zone. Who can resist a person we are attracted to, being attracted to us? And taking the same risks as us? It’s exciting. But it’s what ruins relationships and marriages. The key is to know when you’ve moved out of the Green Zone, and into the Orange Zone. Work back towards the Green Zone. At the same time, understand when you’re letting yourself get into the Red Zone. Once in the Red Zone, you can still move back into the Orange Zone, but realize that you’re on a slope that gets more slippery with every step in the Red Zone.

Take it from me. Get and give your partner lots of sex and stay in the Green Zone as much as possible, while only fading in and out of the Orange Zone from time to time.