Small Girl huffed down onto the ground, grass itched her bare legs and the roughness of Old Oak’s bark bit into her back, reddening the skin beneath the thin t-shirt she wore. Her irritation seeped out of her. She closed her eyes searching for Old Oaks words in the wind.

‘What is wrong?’ she felt him ask. For Old Oak did not speak aloud. He spoke the language of the soul. 

‘I don’t think I feel it anymore,’ Small Girl said, her words thick with a self indulgent attitude. 

‘Tell me what you don’t feel’ Old Oak asked, ever kind and patient.

‘I’m not sure, I just don’t feel it. I don’t feel the quickening of my heart like a thousand butterflies are trapped within me. I don’t feel my skin set fire by his touch. I don’t feel my breath escape me by his soft and urgent kiss… I don’t feel it. I miss that.’

‘I see’ Old Oak said.

‘I don’t feel the bubbles of excitement, so strong it makes my body move. I don’t feel like the most beautiful girl to live, when he tells me so. I don’t feel the out of body passion that allows me to lose myself when we become one… I don’t feel it. I want to feel that again.’

Tears escaped small girl, falling onto the soil. She rested her head against Old Oaks bark and steadied herself, counting her breaths.

‘I don’t know what to do Old Oak, is this the end?’

There was quiet for a moment, broken only by the familiar thud thud of Small Girls beating heart. 

Old Oaks voice spoke directly to that heart. She closed her eyes and listened to his wisdom.

‘Once I was small, I required care and attention, water, sun, good soil and protection from the elements. I grew quickly, visibly each day. As I grew I moved through many seasons. In some I produced beautiful flowers, in others I appeared bare and ugly, but through it all my roots grew, far and wide, deep and strong. Until no longer I needed protection from the elements, as I had become an element myself… and here you are, leaning on my strength from earth.’ 

Small girl wrinkled her forehead in frustrated confusion. What had this got to do with her troubles?? 

Now you’ve told me what you don’t feel, please, tell me what you do? Old Oak asked. 

Small girl sat and thought for a while… when suddenly it came to her.

She might not feel the quickening of her heart but she felt it encased within his. She might not feel her skin set fire by his touch but she felt held within his arms. She might not feel her breath escape her, but she felt heard, able and eager to share any moment with him. She might not feel bubbles of excitement that made her body move, but when she couldn’t she felt him care for her. She might not feel the most beautiful girl in the world, but she felt the most wanted by him. She might not feel passionate escape when they were one.. But she felt loved.. She felt safe. 

Small girl had been so focused on the season of love she was in, with bare branches and boring familiarity. That she had forgotten about those roots growing beneath the surface. Far and wide. Deep and strong. She had remembered those exciting early days forgetting the fragility that came with them. She was so loved, so cared for, so safe, she had forgotten what it felt like to live without that. Before him she was lost, frantic for someone, something to tell her what she was, to tell her she was worthy and wanted. He had provided the sun, the water, the soil she needed to bloom. He had loved her so wholly and protected her so completely that not only had she discovered herself, but she loved herself too. 

Small girl breathed a sigh of relief. She heard movement and opening her eyes she saw him walking towards her.

‘Thank you Old Oak’ she said standing. A small smile played on her lips as she fell into his familiar arms. He held her face and kissed her gently. Somewhere inside her a flicker of a fire lit. Winter was over and their roots continued to grow.