What is the most common complaint from the “Nice Guy?”

“I am a nice guy, but women always pick the bad guy.”

Listen, let them have the bad guy (they’ll figure out why it’s no good soon enough).

Being an always-nice guy isn’t just bad for the woman; it gets worse. You could end up manipulating her and cheating on yourself. If you’re a nice guy reading this, you’re probably thinking, “I would never manipulate a woman; that’s what bad guys do.” 

But to have a healthy, deserving relationship for both sides, you want to be a great guy.

What type of woman is looking for a nice guy? 

Commonly they have inner walls that are abused, bruised, and cracked. 

What type of person is a nice guy? 

He is almost always the one who can see the abuse, bruises, and cracks of a possible (or current) partner. Due to the nice guy’s nature, he wants to heal the abuse, nurture the bruises, and fulfill the cracks. But he might as well glue them together and add a layer of duct tape. The relationship will be just as fragile and ugly.

Here are a few things that can happen when a nice guy forms himself to fix a woman: 

>> He breaks off bricks of himself—cuts them to shape her cracks. After a while, he has nothing that makes up his structure. 

>> Routines, hobbies, likes, dislikes all revolve around her. Yes, at first, she loves the attention, the wiliness to make time for her, doing activities she likes, not doing the activities she dislikes. Suppose the guy gives her money. She’s even thankful for financial assistant. But after the relationship continues, it becomes harder for her to love in return; she might even unconsciously take advantage of the niceness. 

Neither leaves room for a balanced relationship, and, honestly, you can’t blame either for the outcome.

I mean, how can a woman love someone who has no individuality? Somebody who gives everything has nothing left for someone to love. 

It is easy for a man to build up resentment toward her for not doing the things he likes, doing the things he dislikes, and for all the routines revolving around her needs. This resentment often pushes her away, and survival instincts to keep her happy happen (hello, guilt trips). And this is where a pattern of emotional abuse begins. Holding niceness over anybody’s head is no longer sincere; it’s controlling.

Sometimes there will be a woman who doesn’t care if they love the nice guy. The extra attention and his willingness to take care of her are all she needs. She will eventually test how much she can take from him. And once she has total control, she will probably end up lying or even cheating—she knows the nice guy will come back. And, by staying, the nice guy is cheating on himself.

Being a great guy is a way to avoid both scenarios. A great guy loves himself; he knows he doesn’t have to change to be loved. He is confident in the work he does, knows his virtues; he knows what makes him. The things he likes are not dependent on someone else, and he has no problem saying no to the things he dislikes. He has built his inner wall to one day open up and attach a great woman’s wall to his. A great guy builds a structure strong enough for her and himself.

If you continue to be the nice guy, the patterns in your relationships will remain the same. Even during the periods between relationships, the relationship with yourself will be empty. You might find yourself seeking to fulfill the emptiness with drinking, gambling, and risky behavior. Learn how to break the codependency and become a great guy.