In fifth grade we had a creative writing unit.  My teacher liked my story so much she sent it down to the school reading director who entered it into a contest.  It won!  the rest of the year, and sixth grade she helped me with my writing outside of school and to enter a couple more contests, with varying results.  That’s when my passion for pen and paper took hold.

In middle school and high school I fell into the poetry niche, devouring all the e.e. cummings, Poe, Plath, and of course writing my own with my friends.  My senior year I began a creative writing club after school with a student teacher in my AP English Composition class.  It was awesome.  Quite a few students from all grades came, even the “jocks” who stereotypically wouldn’t be a part of something like that.

College came, term papers were never a problem, I loved them.  I could research and spin words like nobodies business.  Public speaking isn’t even much of a problem-I write great notes, so there isn’t room for dead air.

In January 2018 I had a work related car accident which I was hit from behind, causing a serious concussion, whiplash and 6th optic nerve palsy.  The concussion symptoms turned into post concussive syndrome, a horror show of physical and cognitive symptoms that don’t resolve, or resolve much longer than the medical standard of up to 18 months, and that is the very end limit.  It’s controversial really.  Like many chronic illnesses not all doctors believe in it.  In recent years, however, there has been a lot more studies surrounding childhood sports concussions, as well as professional athletes.

One of the worst, most embarrassing symptoms for me is aphasia.  That is when you drop words, use the wrong words.  I stutter, slur, call items the wrong names.  Often I lose track of my sentence in the middle of it.  Now, for the first month after my concussion I would speak gibberish.  Say words backwards-not sure how that happened-or just not in the correct order.  I would call the desk a window, and the stutter is inconvenient.

These symptoms have gotten better since then, but they have plateaued.  There are days when they are worse, or halfway through the day my brain will just shut down and my words go with it.

Now. It’s taking a while to type this, compared to my typing speed prior to my accident.  When I first started typing, I couldn’t remember to use the space bar.  Now I’m up to 32 words a minute.  Though I’m chatty and outgoing in social settings, its not often that people truly understand, or “hear” me. You know what I mean.  In that regard, my pen was always mightier than my voice.

Being able to actually write, get my thoughts and ideas down (AND having now 2 articles here) has been a major boost.  It isn’t taking as long as I thought it would for my words to come back, and to establish some sort of groove.  I have a ways to go.  I’m also not the same person as before, so it will be interesting to see who this new writer will be.  Now that there are some other articles written, brain dumps, lists, all kinds of words down, it gives me more hope that I can progress in my healing.  After writing, my verbage is shot again.  It’s as if I can communicate one way and not the other, and so far this is becoming more articulate each session.  Knowing that I can work with and through my new brain is very empowering.

There are a myriad of symptoms to post-concussive syndrome, including mental health symptoms.  If you know someone who recently had a concussion, check on their well being.

Also, I left the repetition as proof of how my head works. All day.