I’m feeling stifled, held back by the pandemic. Stuck in repeated thoughts, obsessions around safety, lifestyle, family. If the world changes drastically, who will be there for me? Still feeling that I have a lot more heart opening to do, but not knowing how to do it. How do I feel safe enough to get vulnerable with my feelings or even make the effort to dig down to those feelings? How do I get brave enough to share the depth of feeling in my heart? It’s easy to go along superficially, tending to everyday activities and responsibilities. But am I tending to my relationships with others and myself?

It takes courage to find your authentic self

Feeling frustrated with boredom, superficial conversations and fear of being real with people, I reached for my sacred feminine goddess cards. I’ve had these for 4 years. There’s nothing else like them. They are gorgeous prints of sacred women from around the world and each card comes with a channeled message given to the artist. I bought them at a local craft fair. Today it was Inanna, Star of Heaven and Earth, who signaled to me. Her message is about disrobing the self of false energies and beliefs. Become naked and vulnerable as when you were born. Be in alignment with your whole true self, unveiled of every message you have picked up along the way. It takes courage to find your authentic self, your truth, beauty, sensuality, strength and wisdom.

I was able to breath more deeply and easily while reading this card. This was just the right message for me today. Breathing and noticing thoughts and beliefs that do not serve me anymore, that are blocking the flow of my heart energy. As I notice more, I can decide if I want to keep that thought or belief or let it go. Thoughts like – “People will think I’m so silly sharing deep feelings.” Beliefs like – “Nobody really understands me so if I expose my true self, I’ll be dismissed or criticized.” Placed outside the group consensus, shut down, not considered, not embraced for my deep insights, but ostracized in many little ways. Wow, this holds a deep, long-held fear for me!

Our false beliefs are blocks that keep us feeling alone

When I first started working with beliefs around love and belonging, I thought that consistent practice of holding a different, more positive feeling would start to change things. Over time I realized that more insecurities just kept getting uncovered. “If I let go of that belief then this one comes up to replace it!” How will I ever get down to the truth of my worthiness? And be able to hold it.

For a time I thought the answer was to choose the right people to be in my life. Those who valued me, could see my worth and meet me in the depths of my emotions. But that wasn’t the whole answer either. I did let some people go and to my surprise, I was able to attract new people who sincerely expressed their admiration and care for me. This still wasn’t enough. Whenever someone didn’t show up for me, even in small ways that were not personal, I slipped into obsessive thinking about my worthiness. My new false belief became “I am no one’s first priority.” The message in this belief is I am not making myself my first priority.

The real work is consistently showing up for myself in a loving way

It means consistently challenging the thoughts that get in the way. “You can work a little longer. You can’t let people down or keep them waiting.” It’s the feelings of exhaustion, nervousness and indecision that go along with these thoughts that I keep trying to ignore. Pushing myself harder not even to feel love and belonging, but just to avoid feeling judged or criticized. If I listen to the feelings in my body rather than my thoughts, I can get to the truth of the situation – I’m abandoning myself. To truly make myself my first priority, I need to show up for myself, every time.