Mala

By Mandy Ramsey

Your smooth sandalwood beads are strung together by a deep vermillion red cord. It reminds me that even though we stand as individuals, just like these round beads, we are connected by threads, creating a larger circle of connection, just like this mala. To some, it may look like a simple, wooden beaded necklace. But this mala, has been in my hands when I went in for a fine needle aspiration biopsy, the needle so close to my jugular veins and vocal cords that I had to sign a waiver at the hospital that said, “risk of losing voice possible.” So, I stayed as still as possible, making my breath so inwardly quiet, while cupping the mala necklace in my hand as if it was Amma herself holding my hand, comforting me.

You see, this mala was blessed by the hugging saint Ammachi. As I write this I wonder if she too is going through hug withdrawal during this time of COVID. I used to hug at lease 12 people a day in my daily living and weaving through my life out in the community. Well, Amma hugs up to 3,000 people on a single night. The first hug I received from Amma was in San Rafael on my 23rd birthday. I had no clue who she was but a group of friends from the Yoga center I had been living at insisted I join them for this blessing. Talk about beginner’s mind. It was a whole new world. From the Arati ceremony of light with glowing candles, to 3,000 people singing call and response Kirtan chants while others were swirling and dancing in joy. After waiting in line for over 4 hours, it was finally my turn. I walked up to this woman cloaked in white robes with raven hair, and she hugged me, drew me into her lap and I felt as if I had landed into the lap of the universe. I literally saw milky way while I was absorbed in a vibration of love so deep my knees buckled, and I was weeping. The smell of rose petals, sandalwood, and turmeric permeated that cosmic hug, while the sound of the tabala drums echoed the primal heartbeat of the earth that seemed to also vibrate from her heart out through me.

That hug catapulted me on a journey, and this simple wooden mala is what I have as a reminder to awakening to pure love and sacredness. This mala has felt my prayers to end suffering- Lokah Smastah Sukhino Bhavantu. I have touched each bead praying for abundance- Om Rim Shrim Klim Maha Lakshmi Namaha. I have held it on airplanes praying for the turbulence to end while asking Ganesh to clear the path of Obstacles- Om Gum Ganapataye namaha. It was in my room as I pushed my daughter out for 12 hours, calling in Lily Jo, Lily Jo, Welcome Lily Jo Ramsey.

I even hold it in my palm when I recite the Jewish Kaddish in remembrance for my father each year.

This mala brings me back to presence and to be in the moment with what’s truly important. Love. Love. Love. One breath at a time. One bead at a time.