Twenty-four hours after the election, we didn’t have results, just anxiety.

And even now, more than a week later, while we have the results, that anxiety hasn’t disappeared for me.

As a registered independent, I fall into the category of socially liberal and fiscally conservative, surrounded by a slew of people with varying views and lifestyles, and now I’m experiencing serious voter guilt.

One way or another, I let someone down; someone close to me, whom I love, would be shocked by my decision. I’ll say that I do not care what people think of me, but then again, I’m writing this for someone to read.

My darkened oval felt like it carried more weight than any ballot before—so much at stake. Why do I feel like I made the wrong choice? Well, because I had grave and fundamental concerns for both candidates. Neither one carried the entire package for me. Neither one emanated a youthful energy and pep. Neither one was going to “fix” us as a country, as a collective whole.

Maybe it’s mainstream media that bothers me more. Maybe it’s that religion and politics were always taboo topics you do not discuss if you want to be polite. Maybe being polite is for the horses. Maybe we all should have learned from a young age that having hard conversations with yourself and others can implement real transformation.

I empathize with the ploys of the farmers, the hardworking uninsured; the first responders who genuinely want to protect and serve; the judicious immigrants who cannot get citizenship; the addicted and mentally ill; all those who are marginalized; small business owners; for those who are trying to do their best every morning one pant leg at a time, and everyone in between.

This year has divided us more than it should have, and I can’t reasonably agree that it is because of just one person; although, “he” had a way of fanning the flames. I think we are all angry, and that anger is just a veil, one that is sheer and tattered, and that barely hides the hurt and sadness that lies beneath.

We all just want some damn peace. We want peace of mind, safety for our children, healthcare for our loved ones that will not rob them dry, rights for our best friends, a strong economy, and a litany of other fantasies that seem too far-fetched to even consider. For that to happen, we must never grow weary or persist forward with our anger. We must have faith (whatever that may be to you) that we can all do better; that our energy can be healed and that starts within.

It starts with daily meditation. It starts with getting honest with yourself, and with breaking old patterns and learning to sit with that discomfort for new alignment.

So tonight, the person I choose is the one behind the computer; for that is where the real shift occurs.