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One of the most difficult things to do is to let go.

We put in the effort, allow ourselves an unscheduled amount of time to grieve, and work to repair our broken spirits, accepting that something has ended.

We have to accept the painful fact that we never meant that much to someone who meant everything to us.

We take the restorative steps, making that slow and deliberate climb uphill in search of the selves we may have misplaced—and hopefully, not lost—while in the throes of loving, then losing, another.

We start to feel better, then we are shocked by a sudden, acute pain that stabs our hearts and emotionally knocks us down. We pull ourselves back up, feeling that old familiar ache and ask ourselves why. Why just when we think we’ve crossed to the other side, participating fully in life again and convinced we’ve made peace with our past, does a skeleton fall out of a closet we didn’t open?

We find ourselves in this conundrum of sorts. Distracted, physically present, but mentally afar, our minds hijacked by memories and missing a future that will never be. We’re surrounded by family, friends, and people who are committed to our well-being and who care about our happiness, yet we hunger for the one person who is no longer a part of our lives.

So many questions arise, swirling around in our minds while our heart breaks. We feel guilty because we are so blessed and couldn’t ask for more, yet well aware that we’re not fully in the moment, actively receiving these abundant gifts of love. Whether that’s oblivious to all or quietly forgiven, we know this ghost from our past needs to be buried once and for all.

I know that I’m not alone and want to share with you what helped me find my way back to the moment, appreciating all that I do have and letting go of what I don’t.

Stop your mind from going back in time. 

We may have stomached the hard truth, but we haven’t digested it yet. No matter how much time has passed, we may still be trying to understand what went wrong and processing things from our point of view, our feelings, and our experience. We get caught up in the words he said and the promises he made.

The reality is, some people don’t and can’t speak our love language. We will never truly know or understand what happened because we’re two different people. We’ll only drive ourselves crazy. So stop trying.

Stop wondering if he’s thinking about you.

If he wanted us, he’d be here. No matter what transpired, what heated words were exchanged, or what the circumstances, love does find a way. Love doesn’t abandon someone. Love doesn’t hurt someone we care about. Love doesn’t cower and disappear. Love would never leave us wondering, sad, and lonely. Love wouldn’t leave us out in the cold with the door closed.

Start focusing on you and your tribe.

He doesn’t deserve our focus and attention. He left us feeling alone while he was still around. He let us down over and over. Why would we give all of our time and mental energy to someone who is most likely not thinking about us? It hurts. It’s painful. But in reality, we want to believe he is thinking about us. We can’t imagine that he just doesn’t care.

Let’s face it, he doesn’t care, but our people do.

Transfer your time and mental energy to focus on them. And be sure to give yourself the love you so freely gave to him. He cost you, but you’re an investment.

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