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Fear of abandonment is hard.

Until we realize we have it, we don’t know we have it. We simply unconsciously act, behave, and react in ways that are triggered by it—from the fear of being abandoned.

Once we become aware of it, it can feel shocking, relieving, and overwhelming. It can feel surprising to put a name to something we’ve felt our whole lives, relieving to know we’re not alone, and totally overwhelming because the simple awareness that we have it doesn’t actually make it all dissolve at once.

And the more we begin to work through this—feel the fear and all of the immense, painful emotions that accompany it, we see the layers upon layers within us it has affected. We also see the way we still act out in knee-jerk, fearful ways.

This can also be painful—as the veil is shed before our eyes, we see our own behaviors and actions that arise from this deep, unconscious pain, behaviors that we may not be proud of.

We have to be gentle with ourselves as we move through this. It requires tenderness—we need to show ourselves compassion, warmth, tenderness, and kindness.

Moving through the fear of abandonment is a process.

In order to move through it, though, we need to be aware that we have it.

This video helps explain seven common signs of abandonment issues: